A part of me knew I had made a terrible mistake and wanted to run away. But a stronger part said, “You’ve made your bed now, lay in it.”
For ten years I did my best to lay in it until I couldn’t do it any longer. His ongoing threats, rages and rants, his physical and sexual abuse wore me down. I blamed myself for his behavior just like I had blamed myself for my parents’ lack of love, care, and compassion for me. I had become emotional drained; I was the walking dead going through the motions of my life.
“So many people suffer from abuse, and suffer alone.” – Pamela Stephenson
I had large spans of time where I couldn’t remember what I had been doing. It was like I woke up from a dream. But it wasn’t a dream. It is what happens to a person when they have to stay in survival mode instead of being alive and thriving.
Finally, I realized I would rather be dead than live like this anymore. I left. Or, at least, I tried to — he came home and caught me leaving. He grabbed me and threw me on the floor, ripping the front of my nightgown. I said something and he let me go.
I got up and ran to my bedroom frantically searching for my keys to get out of there and drive to the police station. As I turned to leave the room, he met me in the doorway pointing his 357 magnums in my stomach. I realized that no protective order or other paper would stop him from pulling the trigger.
Luckily, I kept my cool and stated that I didn’t have any guns because he had taken them all. He put the gun down and left. Shaken, I called the police and made a report.
I took responsibility for myself and moved. I didn’t let anyone we knew in common know where I was for a long time. Eventually, he married someone else. I heard they ended up divorced and her children cut him out of all the family pictures.
“Overcoming abuse doesn’t just happen, It takes positive steps everyday. Let today be the day you start to move forward.” – Assunta Harris
I’m sure my history is what led me to my profession. I know what it is like to not have anyone to talk to or to help me make sense of what was happening.
I’ve learned a great deal of what it is to be human. I’ve come to have more compassion for that in myself, which makes it easy to feel that for others. Then, giving guidance and information to others is most helpful.
If you are interested in working with me you may contact me by email: email@example.com and we will set up a time for a zoom 15-minute free conversation to see if working with me will be helpful to you.
Here’s an interesting video on domestic violence and abuse that you may helpful:
“Abuse changes your life…Fight Back and change the life of your abusers by Breaking Your Silence on Abuse!” – Patty Rase Hopson
Abuse changes you. This is a universal truth. Victims of domestic violence and abuse always find a way out of all the drama and the mental, emotional and physical torture. They always come out triumphant. But they are never the same again. They become a whole new person with their heart filled with courage, strength, love, and hope, even though they may be broken and scarred. They always heal themselves. That’s what pain and trauma teaches you. To love yourself. To protect yourself. To heal yourself.
And this changes how you interact with others. You become a more compassionate and empathetic person. You are more loving and caring despite all the bitterness and toxicity that you were exposed to for years.