I found myself fighting with my depression in the middle of the night. It was not the first time in so many years I was fighting with my depression,this cold,dark,big monster, always following me.
But then, it just hit me. Why I am screaming: Go away! to something that is just a part of me?
So I turned my back and faced it. I understood than, that all this gloomy,dark cloud…was just the cumulation of all my sad thoughts, of all my overthinking, all the hurt caused inside …and somehow I was not scared anymore..
Actually I started to feel compassion, and then I said:
– Please come sit with me,we will have a discussion now that we should had long time ago.
I saw how this beast in front of me, became smaller and came to sit next to me,
and as I open my heart I start to listen:
-I don’t understand why people claim to hate me so much,when all they do, is bringing me back every day. The real prisoner it’s me, not them.
I wish everyone would understand that I’m not a punishment, actually I’m just a guide. So if everytime I show you what it hurts you, and it’s me standing in front of all that hurt so you can see, why are you coming back to me?
If I show you how much, how painful it will be, when you come back to him after he cheated; why are you coming back to me? If I show you that, not respecting yourself enough to take care of you, it hurts so much; then why are you coming back to me?
And if everytime I stand here,in front of all this people that are so toxic for your life;why are you running back to them? Why are you making me a prisoner ?
The truth is: all I want, is to understand the pain, to learn the lesson once, and never come back to me here,year.. after year…I also miss my family .. as you miss yours. I also miss my lover seeing me smiling every day, like you miss your husband today . I also miss myself, the one I was before becoming a slave to sadness.
So let’s be friends, let’s just free ourselves from this circle. And every time I’ll come along your way, know that I’m your friend, and I’m just guiding you thru happiness; the one standing here next to me all this time, waiting for you to choose the other path.