9 Ways People Settle in Relationships

 November 14, 2018

9 Ways People Settle in Relationships

6) You do the heavy lifting

You find that you are doing most of the work in the relationship but justify your behaviors. This might be linked to your fear of being alone, but I find that when you choose to do the majority of the heavy lifting (reaching out to connect, work around the house, working on the relationship) you shortchange yourself in two keys ways. One, you don’t provide your partner the opportunity to show up and give his/her 100% to the relationship and two, doing more doesn’t allow you to look at the relationship objectively to determine if its healthy or not. You are too busy ‘doing’ and voicing your unhappiness in ways that go unnoticed and unheard. You have become the doormat. Don’t be a doormat!


7) Moving on is exhausting

We would love to move on but the thought of moving on starting all over again – dating, finding someone new, introducing them to our friends and family – feels completely exhausting. So why bother? If you have this attitude, you will not find someone who is a better fit for you because you have resigned yourself to the fact that you are just not worth it. You put your feelings and needs on the back burner and let your perception of dating again as too much work, well ahead of your happiness, well-being and having a healthy relationship. Don’t allow exhaustion to be the driver of your life. Demand more for yourself and your life!


8) You don’t feel important

You ‘settle’ for someone because they are good enough (in unhealthy ways) even though they are not the person you want for yourself (and you secretly know this). Self-respect and self-love start at home – with you. If we don’t feel good about ourselves or don’t feel we deserve someone better, then we will attract the very person that reinforces those feelings about ourselves. This becomes a vicious cycle of unhealthy relationships. then we will pick someone who reinforces that feeling. A good place to start? If you are not in a good place in your life and don’t feel good about yourself, take the time to examine why you don’t feel good about yourself. Tackle those issues. After you do that, you will attract someone who is your equal and healthy for you. Figure out yourself first!


9) You ignore friends and family advice

Love is blind. When your friends and family start chiming in, it’s too easy to ignore what they are saying. According to eHarmony, if you anticipate what your friends or family will say about your relationship, chances are you know deep down they are right because you feel the same way. Your friends and family often see things about the other person that you don’t because we don’t want to! We like this person, so we create the person who we want he/she to be in our mind and ignore the little red flags that keep popping up. But, what is ok in the moment, becomes the nemesis in the end. It becomes the ‘thing’ in the relationship. Don’t completely ignore what other people see!


Settling is always a bad idea. You will not only be disappointed by your life, but more importantly with yourself. And even though you might think that settling isn’t ‘so bad’ in the end, it never is. You will question your judgment and your direction. Because deep down, when you take the time to reflect, you are able to recognize when you first started to doubt the relationship and the person. And that settling with a relationship that wasn’t healthy or met your needs were settling for something far less than you deserve even if you don’t feel that way in the moment.

Take the time YOU need to reflect and understand what type of relationship you want, your personal challenges and way to work through them so you can create a different path for yourself and prevent you from settling for a relationship that is subpar and certainly not deserving of you.

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9 Ways People Settle in Relationships

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