9 Thoughts That Prove You’re In A Genuinely Healthy Relationship

 / 

,
genuinely healthy relationship

How can you know if your relationship is happy and healthy? Unfortunately, there are no rules or guidelines that dictate a healthy relationship. Yes, you will have fights, you will want some alone time and you may even be more interested to check your phone more than talking to your partner at times. But does it make your relationship unhealthy and toxic? No. Relationships are as unique as we are. And what makes your relationship healthy depends on you and your partner.

One of the most powerful relationship skills you can have is knowing what a healthy relationship looks and feels like.

Most people know what hasn’t worked for them, but have a hard time defining and feeling confident picking a healthy relationship. This is especially tricky because you know that healthy relationships are not “perfect” relationships!

Dr. Judith Wallerstein did some fantastic research about the commonalities of healthy relationships. She was the first researcher to ask what healthy relationships actually felt like to the people in them.

Her primary finding was that a healthy relationship feels like a unique, co-created world that the two partners share. Every “world” is different, but this qualitative presence exists in all of the healthy relationships she studied.

How do you know if you’re in a relationship that has this quality, even when it’s hard? Or if you’re beginning a new relationship that has this potential?

The thoughts you have about your relationship in the privacy of your own mind are a great indicator of your overall relationship quality.

Here are 9 thoughts you have about your relationship that indicate that it’s healthy and will be long-lasting:

1. My partner is the person I most want to talk to about my best and worst days.

Healthy relationships have few places they can’t go and a few things that can’t be spoken about. There is a wide breadth of emotions that can be shared.

If you look to your partner at the end of your good and bad days, this is a good sign.

It means that you inherently feel your partner can understand your experiences. It also means that you trust how your partner will process your experiences and that you have a shared value system in which experiences are processed.

Related: 6 Essential Qualities of the Happiest Relationships

2. I trust and value how my partner helps me solve problems.

If you look to your partner as a resource to solve problems, it likely means that you inherently feel there is a shared value system through which you organize the world.

A shared value system is one of the biggest indicators for long term success and happiness in a relationship. This is because values organize how we make important decisions. Values also dictate how we solve problems.

The act of solving problems together strengthens your bond. If you implicitly look to your partner to solve problems, this is likely a sign of a healthy relationship.

3. I know my partner is inherently receptive to my needs and feelings.

Feeling seen, heard and understood is a sign of a healthy bond. This experience of being understood underlies all healthy attachment systems.

If you find yourself assuming that your partner is inherently receptive to you, this is a sign that there is trust between you. You likely have a low level of defensiveness around your partner, which leads to lower conflict and higher levels of intimacy and satisfaction.

Note that it is important that you feel your partner is receptive not just to your presence in general, but to your needs and feelings. Healthy relationships have space for both people’s needs and a broad range of feelings. Some relationships can feel receptive until one person expresses a need or a difficult feeling.

One sure way to build real trust is to be open and clear about your needs; a healthy relationship is one that will remain receptive when needs are presented.

4. I trust that in big life decisions, my partner and I are guided by a shared set of values.

A long term relationship has to survive a lot of change and unexpected circumstances in life.

When unexpected challenges or changes come up, you and your partner will refer to your core values to decide on your course of action. When there is a shared set of values, each person will independently either arrive at a similar conclusion and/or relating to the decision their partner came to when they are different.

This means that conflict over life paths and choices will be minimized. When there are differences in opinion, they are not the kinds of differences that lead to a massive questioning of the relationship or your partner.

5. Even when we are angry with one another, we both still feel the trust and care we have for one another.

In healthy relationships, conflict is possible and constructive because it is presumed to be superseded by a feeling of trust and goodwill.

Healthy relationships are not devoid of conflict or hurt feelings. Healthy relationships survive because disappointment or misunderstandings feel smaller than the trust and care that remains intact even amidst the conflict.

Related: The 7 Fundamental Elements Needed In A Healthy Relationship

6. When I’m sick, I’m comfortable having my partner around.

Some people are more comfortable being vulnerable, accepting care and comfort, and being less in control than others. Being sick, no matter who you are putting you in this position! While some people prefer being alone when they’re sick, we all need some assistance and care when we can’t perform in our healthy state.

If your partner is one of the people you are comfortable having around when you’re sick, it’s an indicator that you’ve developed trust and safety in the relationship.

The kind of safety it takes to be less than your best self is an important predictor of other functions in the relationship.

7. I feel comfortable being my best self around my partner.

Your partner should bring out the best in you! Your relationship is functioning well when there is room for your best and most authentic self.

If you feel that you have to be “smaller” to protect your partner in some way, this is a warning sign. Your partner should delight in you shining your brightest light. This requires that your partner has their own self-confidence and is not intimidated by you and is not in competition with you.

8. I feel that my partner has a good understanding of their history and “where they came from.”

We all project our “stories” onto our partners. If you haven’t taken the time to reflect on your story, you tend to project blindly onto your partners in ways that make it difficult to experience that person authentically.

This is more problematic if you or your partner have any trauma or unexamined pain in your history. These experiences form our expectations of the world and other people in a way that can be distorted and rigid.

Two people who have taken the time to reflect on the story of their lives will contribute to mental flexibility and the ability to see each other clearly.

9. I feel that my partner is not in denial of major parts of their personality, feelings or needs.

You want a “whole” person as your partner! A whole person is someone who is not suppressing or denying huge parts of their reality, their past, or their needs.

Once you’ve known someone for some time, you can gain a sense of the degree to which they repress or deny parts of their reality. Someone with addiction problems, for instance, is almost always coping with a part of their reality via avoidance. Someone who can’t talk about periods of their life and/or convey a coherent story about where they came from and how they got to this point in their life is likely in denial.

Related: Forget the Listicles: A Happy Relationship Depends on Just One Thing

These thoughts speak to four major domains of relationship wellness:

1. Your perception of your partner as a healthy, mature individual.

2. Your perception of yourself as a healthy, mature individual in the relationship.

3. Your perception of the functioning of the connection between you.

4. Your perception of the fit between the two of you as unique individuals.

If you resonate with most or all of these thoughts, your relationship is very likely a healthy one!

If you resonate with some but not all of these thoughts, investigate whether there is constructive work that can be done to bring your relationship into the fully functioning mode.


Written By Perrin Elisha
Originally Appeared On YourTango
genuinely healthy relationship pin
genuinely healthy relationship

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

What is a Trophy Husband In Today’s Relationship Dynamics?

Signs of a Trophy Husband: Exploring Modern Masculinity

Most of us are aware of the term “trophy wife”. But have you heard about a “trophy husband”? It is a somewhat new term that is a gender-swapped version of the more popular concept of “trophy wife”. 

In today’s evolving society, where gender roles are constantly being redefined, there’s a rising trend of trophy husbands. These men are not only eye-catching companions but also possess qualities that make them desirable partners. 

Today, let us explore this fascinating concept and understand what is a trophy husband,  the signs to look for, why being a trophy husband is exhausting, and the potential issues that can arise in relationships with them.

What is a Trophy Husband?



Up Next

Feeling Like Roommates In A Marriage? 7 Signs Of Roommate Syndrome And What You Can Do To Change That

Feeling Like Roommates In A Marriage? Signs Spark Is Gone

Are you feeling like roommates in a marriage? You know, that sinking feeling when you realize the spark has fizzled, and your relationship has become more about paying bills and coordinating schedules than love and connection.

The thing is, roommate syndrome is more common than you think, and many couples face this, after being together for a long time. When you are in the roommate phase of a relationship, you might ask yourself why and when the romance disappeared or if you’re both just pretending to be happy.

But that might not be the case. In this article, we are going to look at what is roommate syndrome, the signs of roommate syndrome, and how to deal with roommate syndrome, so that you stop feeling like roommates in a marriage.

So, let’s get started, shall we?



Up Next

8 Ways To Upgrade Your Relationship

Ways To Upgrade Your Relationship

Do you feel like your relationship has lost that spark from before? If you answered yes, then you should know that many couples go through this, which is why it’s important to know how to improve your relationship. This article is going to talk about how to strengthen your relationship and upgrade your relationship.

It seems like it should be natural to treat our partners with love, consideration, and respect. Yet, for many people in long-term relationships, the warmth and kindness that were present in the early days of dating can fade over time.

Most people treat their partners with the utmost respect and kindness in the courting stage. The relationship probably wouldn’t have progressed if they hadn’t. Why do so many people present the best version of themselves early on, and over time, treat their beloved partners with disrespect, di



Up Next

5 Ways To Rekindle The Spark In Your Relationship

Ways To Rekindle The Spark In Your Relationship

If you feel that the spark in your relationship is gone, then let me tell you something – you can rekindle the spark in your relationship again! Now the question is, how to reignite the spark in your relationship? How can you make your relationship feel like the olden days again? Let’s find out!

Remember the feelings you experienced when you first started dating your spouse or partner? Perhaps you felt excitement, attraction, and anticipation? As the relationship has progressed, has it been difficult to maintain those initial feelings?

Once life’s responsibilities, careers, kids, and the passing of time are added to the mix, that initial spark can easily diminish if we don’t keep it stoked.

Fortunately



Up Next

Is Your Relationship Fading Away? 9 Things You Can Do To Save It

Relationship Fading Away? Empowering Steps To Save It

Do you sense your relationship fading away, and the once vibrant connection you shared with each other is slowly dying? Being in a situation like this is heart-breaking to say the least. When it seems like you’re in a fading relationship, it’s common to feel confused and not know what to do next. But don’t worry, there’s still hope.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve hit a rough patch or you’ve just grown apart a bit – there are some really useful steps you can take to reignite that spark, and revive a fading relationship.

Let’s look at some of the ways that can help you breathe some new life into your relationshi



Up Next

4 Shocking Reasons Why You’re Losing Attraction To Your Husband And How To Reignite The Flame

Major Reasons Why You're Losing Attraction To Your Husband

Are you questioning the intensity of your attraction towards your husband? Perhaps you’ve noticed a gradual shift in your emotional and physical connection, leaving you feeling confused and concerned. What happens when you start losing attraction to your husband?

First of all, you are not alone. Today, let us talk about the delicate topic of losing attraction to one’s husband, exploring the various dimensions of this experience with empathy and understanding.

Whether you’re seeking solace or guidance, we aim to help you gain a better understanding of the situation by shedding light on the reasons behind losing attraction, its impact on relationships, and potential pathways towards rediscovering the spark.

The



Up Next

5 Stages Of A Dying Marriage: Is It Beyond Repair?

Painful Stages Of A Dying Marriage: Is It Beyond Repair?

Sometimes, just being married doesn’t guarantee happiness. And if the marital bond is withering away, there might not be much hope left. Here are 5 stages of a dying marriage and whether or not it can be revived.

There’s a point in every couple’s life where their once vibrant connection fades into obscurity. It’s a simple fact that not all marriages will stand strong. The journey from “I do” to “what happened” is filled with hard-to-swallow truths and plenty of emotions.

Understanding these stages of a dying marriage will let you recognize the tell-tale signs early on so you can work on issues when it’s easiest (and possible), allowing space to save everything you’ve built together.