5. You apologize all the time.
There are times when you have said ‘sorry’ for somebody else’s illness, or maybe a natural calamity. You continuously apologize for things that are not even your fault. If you do this, then people will find it very easy to make you the scapegoat and will dump all kinds of blame on you. In the professional sphere, your colleagues will constantly put the blame on you, and you will continue to land up in pay-cuts instead of a raise.
Don’t let yourself be treated like a football in this way. It is unhealthy and super insulting. Apologize only when you know that it is your fault, and never let someone else guilt or coax you into doing it. Otherwise, it will just make you an easy target.
6. You are always guilt-tripping.
You feel like everything is your fault. If something goes wrong in somebody’s life, somehow you will think yourself to be the cause of it. Somehow it is your fault because someone else made a bad decision. Again, this makes you very susceptible to the scapegoat mechanism. If you already choose to feel guilty about things that you have not even done, then people around you will use it to your disadvantage.
People will treat you like a doormat, and manipulate you into believing things that are untrue. Being accountable is fine, but stop blaming yourself for things that are not your fault even in the slightest.
7. You look for validation from others.
Another one of the most prominent signs of being a people pleaser. No matter how talented, smart, and amazing you are, you always feel better about yourself when you get validation from others. Wanting to be praised and complimented by other people is okay and is a natural thing to expect, but people-pleasers entirely depend on validation. That is wrong.
When you are a people pleaser, your self-love and self-worth depend on what others say about you and think about you. You might have accomplished a lot in life, but unless someone else validates you for that, you never feel genuinely happy and complete.
8. You agree on things to pacify others but curse yourself later.
Picture this: you are tired after an entire week of over-working yourself to God’s glory. A colleague asks if you want to go out to party with them after work, and you nod aggressively. A few seconds later, the exhaustion hits you, and you realize that you would much rather die than buy yourself a hangover. But canceling on them is unimaginable. Saying ‘no’ is one thing, but retracting and already given word, is simply another level of terrifying for you.
Indulging in this kind of behavior consistently will take a toll on your mental as well as physical health. You will feel drained and burnt out, only because you never put yourself first, and keep on torturing yourself to make others happy and stay in their good books.
9. You bottle up all your anger and hurt.
They could literally set your hair on fire, but you would let them off with a curt smile, and an ‘it’s no problem’. You refuse to blow your mind out in front of other people for the fear that it will lead to a big conflict. Anything is better than conflicts and people being angry with you. However, it is not like you don’t feel it at all.
You often break things and curse your lungs sore, when you are back at home. But it is impossible for you to tell people that they have hurt you. Constantly suppressing your emotions will create an emotional wound so strong, that it will take you years to get over it. When you stop yourself from feeling angry or hurt, you are just making it worse.
If somebody has offended you, then be strong and say it. What is the worst that could happen? A lost friendship? A toxic relationship? Maybe you are better off without people like that. People who genuinely love you and deserve you will never treat you horribly, and will always build a safe space for you and your feelings.