6. Therapy could help.
Look; tackling your issues on your own can be overwhelming. If you are able to do it by yourself, good for you, but please know there is no shame in asking for help. The fact that your behavior became toxic means that there is something you aren’t dealing with. Therapists are paid to help you, nonjudgmentally, through your problems. You don’t have to do all the deep-diving alone; no one has ever been successful by themselves, no matter what the situation may be. In fact, going to see a therapist may quicken the pace on your recovery. And it means that you are taking this transformation seriously—if you need the extra help.
The journey towards mindfulness is something that happens in multiple layers, on multiple levels. Mindfulness is defined as “the state of being conscious or aware of something.” You can explore it through meditation (seriously, even one minute a day is good), staying present, and acknowledging the truth of what you think and feel. This will help with that self-awareness you are growing, however, the key is not to judge yourself. We all have darkness inside us, and everything passes. It ultimately comes down to what you choose to do.
8. Forgive yourself
Loving yourself does not mean you are excusing your behavior. Neither is forgiving yourself excusing your behavior. Do you know what forgiveness is? It’s just letting go. It’s letting go of resentment, in this case, towards yourself. Do you know what comes out of tough times? Growth. Growth in a way that happy times could never give you. You evolve, you transform, you become a more beautiful version of yourself. Flowers are grown from manure. Trees thrive from dead leaves. I know the metaphor isn’t great, but sometimes you got to go through the ugly to get to the beautiful. It’s always darkest before the dawn, but in order for the dawn to turn into day and fill your life with light, you need to forgive yourself. You need to let go.
8. It’s the lesson that is important
What is the lesson? There always is one. Learning the lesson is important to help you transform into who you want to be. Because, guess what? You will never be the same person you were before all of this. That person beforehand had never been toxic before, had never suffered like this before, had never learned like this before. That person doesn’t know humility like you do. That person doesn’t know pain like you do. And that person does not know themselves like you do. For you can never truly know yourself until you’ve seen your darkness. And you have, making this a right-of-passage of sorts. The best way to redeem yourself is to learn the lesson and integrate it into your life.
Look, I know you don’t think you deserve it, but I have immense respect and compassion for you. I mean it.
Forgive yourself for your mistakes, for your transgressions. Forgive yourself for the shame and the fear, because you aren’t that person anymore. You’ve done the realization, you’ve done the work. The only one still holding on to your behavior and your actions…
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