One of the more maddening signs you’re in love with a narcissist is their inability to distinguish important from unimportant matters. They argue over everything and nothing, often making the biggest fuss over the matters of least significance.
Kicking up dust deflects their responsibility for the issue at hand and throws their victims off target. They’ll use anything to justify their anger while pointing the way you’re actually in the wrong. They only see certain “facts” and eliminate all other useful (or fair) information.
5. They throw tantrums.
Wow, do these people have tantrums down to a science, maybe even an art form. They make a ton of noise when not immediately gratified, often throwing around verbal threats, justifications, and rationalizations for meeting their demands immediately.
Their other favorite way to throw a fit is pretending you don’t exist. They’ll ignore you as you speak, walk right by you, or make noise in one form or another until you either attack back (so they can blame you for your “anger”) or you give in because it’s not worth the fight. Either reaction encourages the cycle because the Crazy Maker did get their way.
6. They irritate you “accidentally” on purpose.
Crazy Makers behave in covertly hostile ways so no matter how you react, you’re wrong. Driving you mad with their chronic forgetfulness, foot-dragging, lateness, withholding affection, and stubbornness is par for the course.
They’re also fond of provoking with nonverbal behaviors such as eye-rolling, ignoring, sighing loudly, smirking, comments under the breath, sarcasm. and deflection. Their goal is inviting you into a rage so you look at fault and they easily side-step responsibility.
To add insult to injury, Crazy Makers then offer insincere apologies feigning innocence with passive-aggressive phrases like: “All I said was…” or “I only meant that…” implying that you’re “too sensitive” or “taking things the wrong way.”
7. Nobody bosses THEM around (because they’re the boss, obviously).
These people get especially annoyed when others try and tell them what to do. “I’ll do it in a minute…” and “Geez, I was going to do it; just relax…” are two of their more famous lines.
They still taking action until you’re so enraged you do it yourself. Or they react with anger and indignation when asked to cooperate or comply. They see any request as demand and they view cooperating as submitting.
Chronic lateness is a favorite strategy for re-establishing dominance if forced to comply. Crazy Makers recognize the opportunity to promise others a beneficial arrangement for all involved, knowing they’ll probably opt to disappoint everyone by backing out or showing up late (just because they can). They even train themselves to be sensitive to what other people want and need just so they can avoid giving it to them.
If you try to hold them responsible, they’ll simply deflect by saying, with false sincerity, “Sorry” or “I screwed up.” But they’re not sorry. They’ll turn around and make the same “mistake” over and over again. Soon their apologies become more offensive than the original assault.
Sadly, the thing Crazy Makers withhold most often is emotional support. Sometimes they defend the indefensible just to be difficult.
They do not see other people as “people.” They see other people as subjects meant to serve their own satisfaction. They do not empathize with the feelings and needs of others.
So how do you handle a Crazy Maker if you’re dating one, employed by one, or in a family with one?
Here are a few smart strategies to help:
- Keep your wits about you. Critical thinking skills are the most important thing you need in these relationships. Crazy Makers masterfully disconnect you from rational thinking. They distract, deflect, and confusing to keep you off balance. So, if you feel confused, do not do or say anything until you have time to get clear. It sounds easy and simple, but it’s extremely difficult to do because when we feel taken advantage of, we resort to very primitive responses. Before we know it we’re defending ourselves.
- Don’t let them isolate you. Crazy Makers love to get you alone where no one else is around to question them. Always communicate with them via text, email, or in public. Stay away from one-on-one verbal conversations. In public, getting up and leaving is an option. On text/email, reply in your own time. If a Crazy Maker isolates you verbally, they will win. Verbal warfare is their top skill soon they’ll trick you into saying more than you ever wanted to (and then they’ll use it against you).