I once polled a few hundred women to ask them “What is the most important non-physical trait that attracts you to a guy?”
The top answer? A sense of humour.
Life is serious enough as it is. No wonder women value the lightness and playfulness that a partner with a sense of humour brings to their lives.
Besides, if Cyndi Lauper is a credible source (has she lied to you yet?!), girls just wanna have fun.
“I would date fire if I could. It’s consistent in its heat, but it’s always unpredictable and shifting in its momentary form.” – Cathi, 32
Predictability is death to attraction.
If she can predict your every word, move, or sexual escalation to the T, then you might need to inject some spontaneity into your life.
Whether that takes the form of taking her out for a new and unique date, surprising her with her favourite beverage, or bringing her flowers just because, spontaneity brings back some passion and life to your interactions with your partner.
5. Someone Who Is Intentional About Life
Intentionality is the practice of questioning everything in your life and building the kind of life that you want to be living.
It’s easy to be broke. It’s easy to be out of shape. It’s easy to have relationships that go nowhere and leave you both feeling unfulfilled.
What’s comparatively difficult is to be wealthy, in great shape, and have a relationship that others admire. But it doesn’t mean that it isn’t doable (in fact, I have over a dozen clients at this current moment who have mastered all three of these areas simultaneously).
Part of intentionality is not just striving towards the things you want to add to your life, but also shining a proverbial flashlight into the darkest corners of your mental attic and asking yourself if you want to keep all of the old junk and baggage that you’ve accumulated.
I have brilliant men in my social circle (some are clients, some aren’t) who, through their lifetime, have seen specific coaches for their physical fitness and their business growth, therapists for their emotional issues, and sex and relationship coaches for their love lives. No stone gets left unturned.
They look at their own baggage with honesty and they have no qualms about breaking their way through their own perceived barriers.
Contrast those men with most guys who tend to float through life and just go with the flow and it’s no wonder that women would be significantly more attracted to an intentional man.
6. Leadership Ability
It’s no secret that women are often attracted to men who display the ability to lead others.
On the primal evolutionary level of attraction everyone is somewhat attracted to those that they perceive to be of higher social value than others. But there’s a huge difference in someone who is a power-hungry jackass as opposed to a person who is a loving and patient inspiration of a man.
Don’t be proud of your ability to throw your weight around at the office. Dominating your employees isn’t attractive. Instead, lead with social intelligence, kindness, and by displaying the kind of values that people want to align with.
The overt musculature of man that held status thousands of years ago in ancient tribes is outdated. What leads others now is not biceps layered on top of your biceps… it is the power and emotional intelligence that come from the strength of your mind.
All of the power, prestige, leadership ability, and humour that you can muster won’t get you anywhere near a fulfilling relationship if you aren’t willing to let women see you emotionally.
Relationships are catalysts for personal change and growth. But in order to work through your barriers to intimacy, you have to let women in.
I was talking with a client recently who described a perfectly indicative scenario to me that he had experienced on a recent date.
He and his new love interest were walking hand in hand through a park when she asked him “You’re a bit of a softie, aren’t you?”
His initial instinct was to resist what felt like an accusation. His first unfiltered thought was “Pfft… no! I just told you about that triathlon that I completed last month. I think that’s kind of badass, not soft!”
But when he sat with the question for a moment he thought that yes, he in many ways was someone who felt emotions very deeply. He got teary-eyed on a weekly basis when American Idol contestants were voted off the show. He remembered that he was often full of concern if he knew someone was injured or ill. He got choked up whenever a character in a movie or TV show was dying, especially a child or older person. He thought to himself that yes, he was undoubtedly what many would consider a softie.
So he replied with, “Yeah, I’d say I am. Most of my earliest childhood memories are of me having stronger emotional reactions to things than most of my friends or siblings, so by most people’s standards I’m probably a softie.”
The honesty of this truth hung in the air for a moment and he felt relieved that he had been entirely honest with his date, and he felt a bit exposed as he waited anxiously for her response.
She replied, “Good. I really like that about you. I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t imagining it.”