6. “I love only you”
Narcissists are notoriously unfaithful. Therefore, they often try to make it appear as if they have no control over the fact that they are a “sex addict” or “bad at being monogamous” – they are only with those other people for “fun”. The only person they really love is you. You’re the only one that accepts them, warts and all, and offers them a place to come home to at the end of the day; a place to fall and help all their worries go away. It’s you and them against the world. They confess they are messed up, maybe a little crazy, but it’s because you are so connected to them that they love only you. Don’t they always come back to you? Don’t they sleep in your bed?
Reality – Persuasiveness and charm are the primary traits of narcissists and psychopaths. There’s no doubt you are unique and special, but the Narcissist doesn’t appreciate those things in you. What they are working towards is keeping the number of his or her admirers high. The more people they have adoring them, the better…and they are telling their other partners the same thing.
7. “I’ve had an epiphany”
They were driving to work and it suddenly occurred to them, the two of you were meant to be together. It all became crystal clear in a matter of seconds. They don’t know how they didn’t see it before. In fact, the two of you should get married…and the sooner the better.
Reality – No amount of sharing your pain will cause a spontaneous character transplant on your partner’s part or induce The Divine Epiphany where the angels touch down and instill keen insight into the narcissist’s brain as to how much pain they’ve caused you, dropping them to their knees in the posture of a repentant sinner.
It just won’t happen.
The doomed nature of toxic relationships decrees that — as much as you might wish differently — you’ll need to get to a place of acceptance that your relationship with the narcissist will be no exception to the rule.
Moral values do not come into question when narcissists are desperately seeking to hook you back into a relationship. They will shamelessly try to pick up right where they left off with no regard as to the emotional or psychological harm they caused that triggered the original breakup.
You will never be in control of your self-esteem or your emotions as long as the Narcissist is in your life. Even a seemingly innocent act or comment on their behalf comes with a high price. There is a motive for every single thing they say and do. Breaking No Contact may give you temporary relief, but the long-term effects would be harmful, if not fatal, if you go back to them. You cannot gain genuine relief from the very person who hurt you. Breaking up with a Narcissist equals cutting them out of your life completely without giving them a chance to “explain themselves”, because whatever explanation they would give you would only be another manipulation.
Copyright © 2016 by Kim Saeed and Let Me Reach
This article was originally published on Let Me Reach website and has been printed here with the author’s permission