7 Signs You’ve Arrived as a Survivor of Narcissistic Abuse

Signs Arrived as Survivor Narcissistic Abuse

Being a survivor of abuse is not easy. Even though the abuse was not your fault, going through it day in and day out, and finally escaping from it can be a mentally and emotionally taxing experience. If you are a survivor of abuse, then this article can help you deal with your pain and trauma.

Recovering from narcissistic and emotional abuse can seem like an ordeal of the most grievous kind. You may have endured months of struggle and suffering without knowing if you’re making any progress because the pull to go back remains strong.  You miss the moments under your abuser’s sway because, in your traumatized mind, cognitive dissonance and memories of so-called “good times” cloud your objectivity.

How do you know where you stand on your road to recovery?  Victory isn’t always in-your-face.

Arriving as a survivor of abuse comes in waves, even ripples, but if you experience the following seven signs, you can feel gratified knowing that healing is within your reach.

Related: Narcissistic Abuse Recovery: Can You Go Back To Being The Person You Were Before Narcissistic Abuse?

7 Signs You’ve Arrived as a Survivor of Abuse

1)  You’ve begun to appreciate that self-care is something you need to participate in inconsistently.

Not only because you are healing from emotional abuse, but because healthy people, in general, understand the importance of putting on their oxygen masks before they can help others.

Life can be stressful enough without the added obstacle of toxic abuse.  It only stands to reason that if you’re healing from narcissistic abuse, your body and mind require extreme self-care.  This might include reducing social engagements, staying off of the internet, saying “no” to friends and family, taking a nap when you feel exhausted, and making time to do meditations.

You resist the urge to make excuses as to why you can’t take care of yourself, realizing that even single mothers can work self-care into their schedules. If you are a single mother, you deliberately get a babysitter on occasion to take yourself out.

You do guided meditations at night. You journal and do mirror work.  If a friend asks you to visit and you don’t have the energy, you respectfully decline.  You take the initiative to be a little “selfish” because you understand the need to do so after putting out other people’s fires for too long.

survivor of narcissistic abuse
survivor of abuse

2)  You do what it takes to protect your mental and physical space.

You no longer acquiesce to things that intrude on your privacy and peace of mind.

Most narcissists and other Cluster-B disordered individuals pull out all the stops when trying to hook a previous source of supply back into their realm of crazy.  They pretend to have changed, to want to be friends (especially for the “sake of the kids”), to be just another normal person going through a typical breakup or divorce.  They may go so far as to tell you their relationship problems with their new partner.

Arriving as a survivor means you no longer want, nor tolerate, any of those things.  You want peace and autonomy so badly that you are willing to go complete No Contact and resolve not to let them into your home anymore.  You don’t leave yourself open to any of their tomfoolery, and instead, put up all necessary boundaries to protect your new sense of peace.

Related: 9 Things You Can Do To Help A Survivor Of Emotional Abuse

3)  You no longer care about how your Ex will react to your decisions.

You don’t worry whether your life choices will make your Ex angry or make life “inconvenient” for them.  You understand that true fulfillment means honoring your own dreams, desires, and ambitions regardless of how your ex may respond.  As long as you abide by any court orders in place, you know that your future is in your own hands.

4)  You may start to notice that some of your other relationships have been a big energy and time drain, and you resolve to do something about them.

You’ve gotten into the habit of honoring yourself and releasing that which doesn’t serve your highest good.  Consequently, you’ve become more sensitive to other relationships in which you feel taken advantage of.  This doesn’t mean that you would dump a friend in need, but rather that you’ve started noticing your relationship ‘climates’.

In the same way that a long-term weather pattern creates a climate in a particular region, if the climate of any of your relationships has proven – over time – that you typically feel put upon and used, then those are the ones that you now consider releasing.

5)  You’re more concerned about what you’re doing with your life than what your Ex is doing with theirs.

You no longer obsess about your ex with their new supply or the fact that they seem so happy because you’ve come to understand that your Ex is destined to repeat the same cycle of abuse with anyone they are with at any given time.

survivor of abuse

6)  You no longer focus on problems, but on solutions.

You realize that you have the power to conquer and change your circumstances, rather than remain defenseless against whatever stunts your Ex might be playing.

You understand that for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.  If you need to delete an email you’ve had for years because your Ex emails you from different accounts, you delete it.  If you need to file a restraining order because your Ex is stalking and harassing you, you drive to the courthouse and file it.

If you see the need to charge your cell phone number and insist that they call you on your landline, you do so.  If your Ex sends you unwanted gifts and flowers, you mark them “return to sender” or refuse the delivery.  You fight the good fight to protect your newfound freedom.

Related: Exposing A Narcissist And Getting Rid Of Them

7)  You no longer consider what happened to you a punishment, but rather an eye-opener because you understand that it happened so you could heal the wounds you’ve carried since childhood.

You’ve arrived as a survivor of abuse because you no longer look to your Ex for approval or appreciation, knowing that even the appearance of those things comes with a high price.

You accept that there are people whose behavior is disturbingly damaging, but you no longer open yourself up to it. Instead, you respond appropriately, with full awareness of why it’s necessary to do so.

You’ve arrived as a survivor because you no longer tolerate anything that discounts your value – from anyone – for you’ve become your own best friend and advocate.

Want to know more about being a survivor of abuse? Check this video out below!

Survivor of abuse

Copyright © 2015 Kim Saeed. All Rights Reserved


This article, Signs You’ve Arrived as a Survivor of Narcissistic Abuse was originally published at Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed and is protected from copyright infringement. It has been republished on The Minds Journal with permission from the author.
Want to know more about surviving narcissistic abuse? Check out How to Do No Contact Like a Boss!

7 Signs You've Arrived as a Survivor of Narcissistic Abuse
7 Signs You’ve Arrived as a Survivor of Abuse
Signs Arrived as Survivor Narcissistic Abuse pin
Signs you Arrived as Survivor Narcissistic Abuse

— About the Author —

Responses

  1. Irene Madrid Avatar
    Irene Madrid

    He love bombed me in college and I lived with a narcissistic father in a cult so what did I know? He didn’t become monstrous until we started making a lot of money. I was the one who wanted a swim school and when he announced he was divorcing me in front of family, he tried to take my half of the business away but I won w/ the help and support of old friends. I put him through 3 yrs of college. As he lay dying he suddenly yelled: Your mother is aiming and I am losing. he was right and now I THRIVE!

Leave a Reply



Up Next

7 Signs Someone Is Projecting Onto You: Are You Bearing Someone Else’s Burden?

Signs Someone Is Projecting Their Emotional Baggage On You

Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and it felt like they were accusing you of things that didn’t seem like you? It’s as if they’re dumping their own issues on you, leaving you scratching your head, wondering what is happening. Well, this is just one of the many signs someone is projecting their emotional baggage on you.

You’re gradually realizing that you are being blamed for things that’re not your fault at all. You are being accused to be the kind of person you are not. It’s as though they’re running their private movie theater, and you’ve become their projection screen.

But before we get int



Up Next

Dog Whistling Narcissist: 8 Ways Narcissists Use This Covert Manipulation Tactic

Dog Whistling Narcissist: Covert Ways They Manipulate You

Have you ever had the feeling that when you are talking to someone, there’s a hidden message they’re trying to get across to you? A message that feels insulting, condescending and hurtful? If you answered yes, then you are dealing with a dog whistling narcissist, my friend.

These people are experts at sending subtle messages that are extremely hurtful and humiliating, but only you understand it, not anyone else. When a narcissist uses dog whistling, their main motive is to manipulate you and keep you under their control. They’ll use it to dominate you, and put you down, while pretending to be harmless.

But what is dog whistling, and how narcissists use dog whistling? Let’s find out, shall we?



Up Next

8 Powerful Phrases To Shut Down Gaslighting With Confidence

Powerful Phrases To Shut Down Gaslighting With Confidence

Have you ever had a conversation with someone where you felt like everything you are saying or feeling is being dismissed and invalidated, even though you know you’re right? If you answered yes, then you were subjected to gaslighting. If you have experienced this, then remember these 8 phrases to shut down gaslighting like a boss.

When someone makes you question your reality, it can feel extremely frustrating and depressing. We’ve all been there at some point. These little digs can make you feel like you’re on thin ice, be it from a friend, family member or that one co-worker.

But hey, you’ve come to the



Up Next

The Emotionally Absent Mother: Overcoming Her Legacy And Healing From The Wounds

The Emotionally Absent Mother: Healing From The Wounds

Having an emotionally absent mother can take a heavy toll on your mental and emotional well-being, and that too from a very young age. This article is going to explore what it means to have an emotionally unavailable mother, how her emotional absence can affect you and how to heal from it and move on.

Growing up with a mother who wasn’t emotionally available may have complicated your relationship with your emotions. Our early experiences of emotional attunement play an important part in the subsequent regulation of our emotions.

An emotionally absent mother may fail to develop the kind of satisfying attachment bonds in her children that make sustaining ordinary relationships possible.



Up Next

Is It Love Or A Trap? 10 Ominous And Warning Signs Of Love Bombing

Ominous And Warning Signs Of Love Bombing: Love Or Trap?

Have you ever experienced the turbulent side of love, that comes from falling head over heels for someone? The butterflies in your stomach, the passion you feel, and the feeling of being swept off your feet – feels amazing, doesn’t it? But what if I told you that behind this seemingly perfect façade lies something dark and sinister? What if I told you these are warning signs of love bombing?

Welcome to the dark world of love bombing; a psychological tactic used by manipulative people to gain control over your mind and heart. In this article, we will talk about what does love bombing mean, and the signs you are being love bombed.

Let’s get started first with what does love bombing mean, shal



Up Next

Surviving Toxic Friendships: 15 Shocking Signs Of An Abusive Friend You Can’t Afford To Ignore

Signs of an Abusive Friend: Surviving Toxic Friendships

Do you feel like your BFF is jealous of you? Do they constantly criticize and always try to influence your decisions? Are they always around when they need a favor from you, but immediately disappear when you need support? Then it is likely you have a toxic, abusive friend. Let us explore the signs of an abusive friend and how to deal with an abusive friend.

A friendship is one of the most authentic and purest forms of relationships we can experience as it is not bound by blood or any compulsion. Friendships are born out of mutual respect, support, companionship and happiness. Our friends support us and pick us up when we are down and guide us when we stray too far.

However, some individuals use the mask of friendship simply to exploit, dominate and abuse us. They pretend to be our friends as long as we are of use to them and freque



Up Next

The Playbook Of Deceit: 11 Narcissistic Games Used To Torment You

Narcissistic Games Used To Torment: Playbook Of Deceit

Have you ever encountered someone that made you question your own sanity? Or found yourself caught in a web of manipulation, unsure of how you got there? If so, then you may have encountered a narcissist and have been a victim of narcissistic games.

Narcissists are masters at psychological games. A charming smile hides their darker agenda as they play several mind games to control and exploit you. These mind games narcissists play can be psychologically damaging, without you even realizing it at times.

In this article, we’ll unravel 11 narcissistic games, exposing all their tactics, so that you don’t fall