You may be “getting out there” in the dating world, but if you secretly believe relationships are dangerous and scary, you’ll avoid getting close enough to anyone to let love in. You may decide to play it safe and avoid dating and relationships altogether, convincing yourself that you prefer the company of your cat and Ben and Jerry.
4. “Relationships take care of themselves and don’t need my attention.”
If you believe your relationships will magically take care of themselves, you won’t make them a priority in your life. Rather than nurture connections with loved ones, you’ll focus your attention on things that seem more important, like work, money, or hobbies. You may spend a lot more time looking at a phone, computer, and TV screens than looking into the eyes of your partner or children.
If you’re single, you may not bother to put energy into finding a partner or staying connected with friends and family. What happens when you’re too busy to pay much attention to how you relate with the people in your life?
5. “It’s not safe to tell people how I really feel or what I want.”
We think this because we’re afraid to get hurt or be disliked. If you believe this, you’ll be very careful about what you say and how you act — and you may be so cautious that you don’t even let people you’re dating know that you want a relationship.
When you’re strategic instead of authentic, your relationships with others will suffer. What happens when you keep secrets, withhold information, or play games instead of just sharing what’s true for you? You lose intimacy and trust and you don’t get your needs met, and the other person feels confused and disconnected from you. Not a good recipe for true love!
6. “Others are to blame for my problems.”
If only YOU were different, I could be happy. If YOU changed, my problems would go away. When you blame others for your problems, you keep yourself stuck in victim mode. By not taking responsibility for your part in creating the drama or discomfort you are experiencing, you are essentially handing over your power.
If you’re quick to blame someone else for what’s wrong in your life, you probably feel helpless to change whatever’s wrong. When we blame, we make the other person wrong and we make ourselves right, and it’s a surefire way to destroy intimacy and empathy in your relationship.
7. “Relationships should just happen spontaneously.”
You may feel that you should know everything you need to know about relationships without asking. Now, if you’ve ever tried to learn a new sport, a foreign language, or a musical instrument, you understand the value of education and practice.
However, when it comes to relationships, most people hold the belief that true love should just show up when you’re least expecting it, and there’s nothing you can do to prepare for the love you want. Might there be another way?
Each of these detrimental beliefs can block you from finding and connecting to the love you truly deserve. Don’t stay stuck with limiting beliefs that keep you unhappy, separate, and disconnected from others.
So, how can you change your attitude, refocus your efforts and understand how to find love? First, you need to be aware of your beliefs in order to change them. Start by noticing all the assumptions you make automatically about yourself and others, and recognize that this pattern of subconscious thinking causes you harm — and keeps you lonely.
Stop and question the impeding beliefs you’ve instinctively assumed were true. What’s possible when you let go of the love blockers? Everything your heart desires.
Written by Wendy Lyon Originally appeared on Yourtango.com