3) You need to give them enough space to learn life skills
“You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.”
As parents, there is a tendency to help our child by doing all their tasks and protecting them from every possible danger.
The parents sometimes tend to make decisions and do tasks for their children to protect and help them but in the process, they also deprive them of opportunities to learn essential life skills.
It is very easy to do your kids homework and ride a bike for them in the name of love but that loving is really crippling the child’s growth and development instead of enhancing it.
It is important to practice some kind of restraint and tough love to enable kids to learn things by letting them do their work on their own.
It is important that every parent must accept that their kids need enough space to be themselves and learn to be like them instead of trying to make them their mirror image as it is the nature of life and evolution to move forward and not backward.
4) They have their own destiny to fulfill
It is a tendency of parents to use their kids as a platform to fulfill their own unfulfilled dreams. A person who could not become a doctor would consciously or unconsciously want his kid to become a doctor but the most important lesson for parents is to realize that their kid is a unique and separate individual. Every parent must accept that their child has his own destiny to fulfill.
Every parent must accept that their children have their own gifts and talents and life purpose. And as a parent, your duty is to provide them nurturing care and support to pursue their own dreams and life purpose.
5) You can’t stay with them 24/7
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
This is the most frightening and painful lesson that a successful parent has to learn: that they have to let go of their offspring from under their wings to learn to fly on their own.
Gibran has used the analogy of bending like a bow to describe this painful experience of letting go.
It is the duty of every successful and loving parent to prepare their kids to be self-sufficient and offer them even more love and support when they are preparing to go out in the world on their own.
Gibran also offers beautiful advice to deal with this excruciating pain and turn it into joy, by remembering a lovely reminder that God and the creator loves both the arrow and the bow that is stable.
The children who are born to take the wheel of humanity forward and fulfill their unique destiny and the parents who are strong and the stable parents who let their children fly and carve their own destiny are equally loved and blessed by God.
6) Each day they need you less and less
When a child is born he has no separate sense of self, his sense of self is enmeshed with his parents. It is only around the age of 2- 3 years that a child begins to develop an ego or a separate sense of self.
But still, as a child, his entire world revolves around parents and he learns everything by observing his parent.
But once he begins to go to school, he begins to learn independent of the parent.
And some of what they may learn may be contrary to the belief systems and values of the parents. And he may begin to ask the uncomfortable questions about religion or making out.
It can be a humbling experience because for the first time your authority as a parent is being challenged and it is precisely at this time that the parent should provide more love and support to the kids and give them enough leash to learn and grow independent of them.
The more they grow up and start going out in the world, the less and less they would need you each day, and the more graciously the parents can accept this lesson, the more lovingly they will be able to let their kids go and grow independent of them.