Are you a nice guy? Is being nice and flexible affecting your relationship? Although you should always strive to be a “good man“, being a ‘nice guy’ can kill your relationship. If you think your niceness is making her pull away, then here are 5 ways you can fix your relationship and make her attracted to you.
Note: Before we go ahead, kindly note that these tips apply to women, as well, taught from childhood to be the “nice girl.” If that’s you, flip she to he, her to him.
“Just because you are a nice guy, doesn’t mean you are a good man.” – Zyanya Torres
Last week’s gist was… “Nice guy” behavior has its roots in momma-pleasing behavior from childhood. And as a result, she resents you for it.
– So what’s a nice guy to do?
– How do you make her happy?
– How do you stop her hating you for being a nice guy?
Read: What Women Really Want In A Man: The Player Vs. The Nice Guy
1. No More ‘Mr. Nice Guy’
FIRST is obvious, stop being a “nice guy.”
Be yourself. A complete human being who lives in the full range of his emotions – from grief to joy. “Nice guy” is a mask.
You can’t always be the guy who “gets it right” with her. It’s impossible and exhausting to maintain. It diminishes you and your relationship. Notice when you’re in the “nice guy” pattern.
2. Empower Yourself
“The power you have is to be the best version of yourself you can be, so you can create a better world.” – Ashley Rickards
SECOND, go directly to the source of what you really want – your own happiness.
“Nice guy” is the back door. “Empowered man” is the front door.
This means speaking your truth and asking her for what you want. Most important, is to do it kindly and lovingly.
Consider the risk of saying to her:
“I want to spend more quality time with you.”
“I want to be more physically intimate with you.”
“I want you to not pull away from me, even when you’re upset.”
Read: Why Girls Hate ‘Nice’ Guys
3. Experience Pain
“Where there is love, there is vulnerability to pain.” – Laura Ramirez
THREE, feel the terror of her not loving you.
Feel the hole in your heart when she turns away from you. Or when she says no, I don’t want to be physically intimate with you now.
“An absence, the decline of a dinner invitation, an unintentional coldness, can accomplish more than all the cosmetics and beautiful dresses in the world [or ‘nice guy’ behavior.]”
-Marcel Proust
What Proust said leads us to…
4. Focus On Self
“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” – Aristotle
FOUR, tend to yourself when she upsets you.
This means you don’t blame her for your upset. Instead, you look at and care for yourself. You talk to the most upset part of you. And that is… your inner little boy. He’s the one who feels the terror of her not loving you.
Tell him, “It’s ok. We’re ok. We’ll get through this.”
Develop a relationship with this boy. Be the father he never had. Loving that little boy is the quickest way to your Kingship.
This takes practice and coaching. So be gentle with yourself. And get help.
Read: 10 Things That Happen When You Finally Pull Yourself Together
5. Attract Her As An Empowered Man
“The real power of a man is in the size of the smile of the woman sitting next to him.” – Anonymous
AND FIVE, bring your new gold to her.
Imagine, you spoke a tough truth. You said it lovingly. You got upset because she got upset and pulled away, even though you did your best.
But this time, you tended to yourself. You stood strong and gentle. And you said a few simple words that rocked her world.
“Can you tell me more?”
(More about what’s happening to you. More about what’s going on inside you. More about why you’re upset.)
And she glows. She feels seen and heard. She opens, knowing she’s with an empowered man, not a little boy, nor an inauthentic nice guy. And you’re pleased.
But you’re clear. You’re not responsible for her happiness. Nor her misery. But you can hold space for both and stand strong.
Imagine what it’s like to be this man. He’s already inside of you. Set him free today.
Know of another man (or woman) who could benefit from this? Share this now with the social media icons below.
Written by Stuart Motola
Originally appeared in Stuart Motola
Here’s an interesting video that you may find helpful:
Be Your Authentic Self
“Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it.” – Bruce Lee
You are not responsible for her happiness. And she is NOT responsible for yours. You need to take ownership of your emotions and realize that only YOU can make yourself happy. We go into a relationship to share our happiness and sorrows, not to make each other happy or sad. When you strengthen your relationship with your inner little boy, you will feel liberated and empowered. This will enable you to shed your ‘nice guy’ mask and help you show her what a ‘good man’ you truly are.
Read: 8 Signs He’s Flirting With You And NOT Just Being Nice
When you understand yourself and your emotional needs, you will be better able to meet your emotional demands without relying on your romantic partner. Self-love will help you make yourself happy and this energy will translate into a happier, stronger romantic relationship. When you approach your relationship by being the most genuine version of yourself and experience your complete range of emotions, you will be able to build a more intimate, meaningful, and lasting relationship.
Stop being the ‘nice guy’ or ‘nice girl’. Be a ‘good man’ or ‘good woman’ instead. Be your true self and have good intentions. You will become happier. And so will your partner.
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