At the same time sociopaths are boring, predictable, limited and dumb. Their stupidity, their extreme vanity, their fantastic claims and shallow tricks are darkly humorous once you recognize them. Seeing the ridiculousness is a tiny prize – a break – in the midst of horror when they’re ensconced in our lives, or when we’re in the post traumatic stress after a sociopath.
Fortunately, their love bombing technique can be easily diffused. At any time breaking contact with a sociopath ends the game. Before the game begins in earnest – before they’re anywhere near making us think we’re crazy – slowing down and controlling contact is key.
Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong – even though it looks so good – it is wrong. Instincts are always right.
How to Disarm a Love Bombing Sociopath
Go old-school, old-fashioned dating rules with a contemporary touch up.
You might not like this. – But it’s a sure-hit way to diffuse a love bombing sociopath.
1) No Extended Texting – No More Than 10 Minutes Talk Time.
Limited text and phone time side-steps the false feeling of deepening a relationship. Relationships don’t develop in Whatsapp messages, Snapchat or cell phone chat. Relationships happen through spending time together. Period. Over extended time – as in calendar time. Not 5 days 24/7 jammed up under each other.
Misinterpretation and the normal flutter of being-a-new-relationship-hopes infuse our one-sided, dreamy interpretations to flirty texts or late-night hours on the phone. These night-time digital exchanges don’t make a relationship under even the very best of circumstances. This way of communicating is a trap with a sociopath – and they count on us falling in. It puts us right where they want us. We’re easily believing there’s a whole lot going on between us with zero real investment or effort on their part.
Use texting for simple communication only. Such as: I’m almost there, see you in 15. Or: I’m running late. Or: The address is 639 Wonderland Drive. Parking on the side street.
Use phone calls – from him – to let him ask you out. Yep. – do not call him. Later call him once to every three or four calls from him until you’re actually a couple. And really know one another.
2) Go On One Date Per Week Maximum.
Limit dating time. Sociopaths move fast. They want the romance to swell into a crescendo – of “deep commitment” and often cohabitation – within 1 to 4 weeks. To do this they need to see us often, maintain heavy contact and see us mainly alone or in an setting they control.
Have other things to do. Make our life the center of our life. Date no more than once per week. Don’t fool ourselves with – oh, we’re just hanging out. A sociopath is never just hanging out. They’re working. On pulling in a victim.
3) Start Dating In Groups. Make Dates An Activity.
Sound nuts…? Wait until this guy or gal turns out to be a sociopath, then nuts will take on actual meaning. Here’s the thing… Why in the world – really – would we ever go out in the evening to dinner, a movie – a walk on the beach – with … a stranger??
I know. I know. It’s done all the time. It’s normal. Americans meet online, or in a bar or at a party and easily exchange numbers, information and go on a date – alone – together – solo. It is a part of our culture. But – why…?!
Dating in the U.S. used to be in – or grew out of – spending time in groups as is still the case in France or Italy, Brazil, Argentina, Spain, Denmark… do we need more examples? In these cultures each person is known quite well by at least two or three others in the group. Even then it takes time – time spent with the group – before any one would consider a solo alone time date.
Sociopaths prefer privacy. Sociopaths immediately separate us from the group. From family. From friends. If we agree only to group dates a sociopath will bail by date three. Isolation is key to a sociopath’s dating success. Isolation is needed for true love scam.