Unfortunately, the beginning just isn’t sustainable. It is a time when we are being our best selves and our chemicals rule. Once the beginning turns into the middle, things change. People’s real selves begin to emerge. Fissures become evident. Incompatibilities rear their ugly head. Relationships then get complicated and they can fall apart.
So, don’t waste even a moment of time thinking that if you can just get back to the beginning you will live happily ever after. The beginning is over and what is happening now is how it will be going forward.
4. Someone else will get the best part of them.
I have a client who was with her beau for 8 years. Their first years were magical but then he began to struggle with his business. He became moody and depressed and spent more and more time away from home. She didn’t want to but she knew that the time had come to leave him, that he would never change.
She has left him and is happily living her own life. Recently she saw her ex on Instagram with his new girlfriend. She was immediately stricken by how happy he looked. She assured me that this new girl had fixed him and that they would live happily ever after.
I can assure you that, unless they do serious work on themselves after a breakup, people don’t just magically get better with their next person. Rather, they at first bring forth that wonderful person, the one you fell in love with, but then, after time, just like with what happened with you, the real person emerges and the cycle begins again.
So, don’t convince yourself that if your ex looks happy on social media that he is all fixed. I can promise you that it’s just not true.
5. If I can change I can get them back.
I have so many clients who believe that if they change they can get their person to come back to them. And, while sometimes that works, more often than not it doesn’t.
There are two people in every relationship and if one is willing to do the work and make a change and the other isn’t, it isn’t likely that there is a reconciliation in the future. There might be a short-term coming back together but the reunion won’t stick because your issues will still be there.
The better course of action is to do the work on yourself, get to know yourself again, and look for a person with whom your baggage ‘matches.’ Don’t try to twist yourself into a pretzel to be the person your ex wants you to be.
Getting over someone can be one of the hardest things that you will ever do in your life.
And I know that right now it seems completely impossible but I can promise you that it’s not. I can promise you that, with time and awareness, life will go on and you will be happy and in love again.
In the meantime, manage those toxic thoughts and don’t let them impede you from getting over someone.
Don’t believe you are a loser or that you will never love again. Don’t look back and try to hold onto who they were. Don’t fantasize about who they are now because you just have no idea and don’t change for them – do it for you. I know that it seems impossible but love is out there waiting for it. Get yourself off the couch and go find it! I did!