2) He wants to feel like a hero.
This requires you to surrender to his strengths, wherever they are. Men want to feel trusted by their woman, that’s what they interpret as love.
This means you must learn to lean into his unique wisdom, his power and his support. Trust is not earned, it can only be granted. Believe in his desire to serve you, nourish you and push you toward your wants.
Look for the hero in your partner, acknowledge, revere & appreciate that aspect. Men fall in love with the woman who lets him be her hero.
3) He wants to feel praised, not put down.
With your partner, reward good behavior and ignore bad behavior. What you put your attention on grows—it doesn’t matter if it’s positive or negative attention.
Do not use leverage, criticism or manipulation to get what you want; rather, invite a new behavior by making requests laced with trust and desire.
This is the feminine way to influence, seduce rather than coerce. Men hunger to be acknowledged for specific things, and in public, if possible.
Also notice how your ego may hold you back from sharing empowering, affirming feedback with your man, as an attempt to maintain leverage and power.
Power is not the currency of true love, open-hearted transparency is.
4) He wants to have a great sex life.
Keep developing yourself and your sexuality so you can share a non-shameful, exciting sex life. The litmus test of a relationship working long-term is their sex life. Sex makes or breaks relationships.
Like food, it’s not a luxury, it’s a staple and must be made a priority. If you want a guy to choose you to sleep with for the rest of his life, you have to learn to enjoy sex, share your needs, wants and fantasies, and be open to hearing his.
Constantly re-invent your sexuality together. Until these primal issues around sex and shame are explored openly with surgical sensitivity, they will haunt and undermine your relationship.
5) He wants to hear your truth.
Share your fears, pain, desires and dreams with him; in particular show him your humanity. He’s looking for a place where all his emotions are safe to land. If you cannot own and express your own emotions, you definitely won’t be able to help him with his.
For any relationship to really work, you have to get good at ‘feeling’ (not thinking what you feel, but actually feeling sensations in your body, in your somatic space). Many men don’t know how to feel their feelings and they’re unconsciously looking to their woman to teach them.
A man falls in love with the woman he feels most alive around. A woman creates a field of aliveness when she’s experiencing and expressing her emotion, without justification.
Learn to identify, map and name your emotional states, then practice sharing them. This can be scary, but it’s a crucial skill if you want to connect with your partner’s heart.
Now that we’ve explored the main experiences needed for a partner to surrender, we shall invoke the last requirement of a love that lasts forever- Faith.
Faith is the umbilical cord that connects you and your lover to each other and romantic success. Faith has no reasons, proofs or justifications.
It’s a blind resolve based on nothing but the unwavering belief in something you find true, good and beautiful.
Faith requires an unreasonable audacity. It is something you create in yourself, by yourself.
When you forget all the reasons for your love, or cannot feel the encouraging emotions in your body, faith is the only thing that keeps you going when the situation seems dark and hopeless.
Cultivating faith is a muscle and it must be practiced individually and privately when doubt tries to creep in.
As a woman, you are the emotional leader in your relationship, which is why it’s important to master these skills if you’re committed to a love that lasts.
Some things cannot be learned, except through creation. I invite you to take on becoming a creator of love, even in the face of fear.
True Love requires only one thing: that you believe in it.
I know somewhere deep inside you is an ember that burns with the knowing that true love exists; let’s blow on that ember & make a fire that fuels your own private fairy tale.