Maybe you feel like lashing out at her friends for corrupting her perception of you. You’ll be tempted to express this through hateful emails and text messages.
It’s okay to write those out to get all of your emotions out of your head and onto paper. But, for the love of God, don’t click send. Nothing good will come from it.
It’s natural and unavoidable to feel this way. Where you separate the mice from the men is how you effectively channel that anger in a productive way. You have to avoid bottling it up and unleashing your rage at an inopportune time.
Instead, take it out at the gym. Go for a run. Crush the boxing bag for a couple of rounds. Find ways to get it out of your system that won’t get you an overnight stay in the county jail.
Stage 3. Bargaining
“Grief is a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith…it is the price of love.” – Unkonwn
Studies have shown that rejection from a romantic partner activates similar parts of the brain that are associated with addiction. There’s a scientific component that comes into play here. Studies have shown that rejection from a romantic partner activates similar parts of the brain that are associated with addiction.
Not unlike a drug addict, you physically become addicted to love. That warm, lovey feeling triggered by a release of dopamine. Once your brain no longer receives that stimulation, you go into a type of withdrawal, which makes you feel like crap.
You begin to hypothesize different ways that you might have been able to make it work. You are willing to do anything to avoid accepting it’s over.
Maybe if you had gone to therapy a few more times together. What if her family was able to talk some sense into her? Dozens of thoughts on what you could have done differently to salvage this relationship creep into your head.
Your heart is making a last-ditch effort to avoid suffering at all costs. This reinforces why it’s best to cut off all communication.
What good does it do you to text or call her at this point? If you don’t hear back for a day, won’t that drive you crazy? You have to start thinking about yourself now.
There’s very little benefit to come from staying in touch with her for the time being. Thoughts will drive through your mind as to what she’s doing and why she’s not getting back to you. Don’t reach out. Focus on yourself for now.
Stage 4. Depression
“Pleasure of love lasts but a moment, Pain of love lasts a lifetime.” – Bette Davis
The night is darkest just before the dawn. As your heart gives up at the conclusion of the bargaining phase, depression kicks in.
You feel sorry for yourself. Getting out of bed becomes an arduous task. Everything becomes a disconnected, hopeless blur. You wonder if you’ll ever find someone to love again.
Say to yourself, “It’s okay, sadness. I see you. I love you. I respect and honor you. I will let you be. But you are not what defines me.”
The most critical thing to do during this phase is to acknowledge the feelings, but realize that they don’t make you.
Reconnect with friends, family, and colleagues that you haven’t spent much time with. It’s easy to lose sight of majorly awesome and important people in your life when you’re wrapped up and whipped down by a broad.
Just as important as it is to bring the right people into the mix, it’s equally crucial to keep toxic influences out of your personal ecosystem. If you have a buddy that suggests getting out there and partying your ass off to hammer through the depression, resist that temptation.