This isn’t a list of how I try to be a bitch on purpose. This is a list of why YOU would probably think I’m a bitch.
1. I don’t like you.
Chances are I don’t like you. I don’t like many people. It’s nothing personal. I probably won’t be polite or engage in much small talk. I don’t have time for that. The good news is that it’s not a fixed view of you. It’s always subject to change. More good news is that I don’t have to like you. I find more power in being selective with whom I connect and form bonds.
2. I won’t want to be your girlfriend.
It might be that we develop a connection and have sex. No, I did not use you. First of all, we are two consenting adults and you already knew (because I make it a point to tell people) that I am not interested in the distractions that come with being in a monogamous relationship. And second, I’ve done a lot of work to untangle my self worth from sex and heal gross attachment issues, so know that me choosing to have sex with you is full of a lot of respect for you and for me.
3. I will call you on your shit.
If I watch something fall from your mouth that was obviously put there by years of systematic oppression that either made you blind or ignorant, I’m going to bring it to your attention. You’re better than that.
4. I don’t need your validation.
Thank you so much for the compliment. But if the motivation is anything other than genuine (and believe me, I can tell when you desperately want my approval, money, sex, etc), I’m not interested. I live my life to fulfill my own wants and needs. Nothing I do is for you. I have a clear view of my own boundaries, values and sense of self that have nothing to do with seeing myself through the lens of other people. So check your motivations.
5. You aren’t entitled to anything.
This includes my body, my smile, my words, my kindness. The world told me a long time ago that I should be nice, that it was important to let people know that I meant them no harm, so I should smile. I should say nice things to you. I should be a gentle, vulnerable, boundaryless puddle. But then I learned that the people who were giving me those messages wanted to keep me complacent. They didn’t want me to make a fuss. Then I learned about power, the power they didn’t want me to have. Now I know that I have control over my own body and my own mind. My words hit like cannons. I am a well guarded fortress looking forward to battle.
I know you think that bitches aren’t people you want around. I know you call women that when they hurt your feelings. But here’s the thing, bitches should be your best friend. You should be honored if a self proclaimed bitch actually wants to be your girlfriend. She will hold you to a high standard. She will make you a better person whether you like it or not. She’s only here for herself, so if she is sharing any of her intimate parts with you, it is a privilege. And you can thank your lucky stars that you were deemed worthy.
– Written by Anne Hindes
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