3. You realize how “not normal” he is.
It’s understandably disturbing to take a closer look at his behavior patterns, for example, to note that he puts repeated effort in making you feel small or invisible, discrediting what you say, gaslighting you to derail a conversation (which ensures your “issues” never get addressed, at least not in a normal way of “arguing”), and so on.
He also acts to tarnish your reputation, turn you against family and friends, or turn them against you, in effect, slowly but surely, isolating you by attacking your key relationships.
Though you want to believe that he “really doesn’t know” what he’s doing, or that it isn’t intentional — it is.
A narcissistic psychopath not only acts with intent to make their partner feel invisible, his goal is to break them into believing their inhumane treatment is “normal.”
He’s telling you who he is by his actions, or lack of action. Believe him.
Based on neurolinguistic studies of behavior, the best measure of who a person is, what they most want and value, and believe lies in what they consistently do. Their actions, or lack of actions. That is, what does or doesn’t do tells who a narcissist is at heart, what motivates them, and what they believe and value, and what they have planned for you and your relationship.
The abuse is not just the “usual” throwing of labels and attacks back and forth, when one or both persons in a relationship get triggered and say and do things they later regret.
The narcissist not only mistreats, shows no regrets or remorse, he also relishes making a woman squirm, feel bad, just to prove he can. This tells you his worldview. In his mind, this is proof of his superiority and entitlement to use and exploit a woman as if a slave, and his actions are how he displays his status and “superiority” and rightful dominance.
In reality, a person that is obsessed with proving dominance to feel worthwhile holds an ideology that seeks to dehumanizes them, and normalizes the dehumanization of those groups deemed “weak” or inferior.
It’s a worldview that upholds master and slave relations between humans as normal. Only in this worldview do some persons think it’s normal to treat others like punching bags with impunity.
Inhumane treatment of any person regardless of sex or faith or tradition is never normal. It is pathological.
What is dehumanizing to one person in a relationship, due to the mirror neuron feature of our brains, is dehumanizing to the other.
The narcissist thinks it’s his job to break their partner, or child, so they no longer have thoughts and feelings about how their mistreatment, to accept they are mere objects of pleasure that, like a sports car or boat, are there to prop up his ego, waiting to serve at his pleasure.
This ideology is aligned with all forms of hate propaganda, regardless the group that is targeted and identified as weak, dangerous, etc.
A slavery mindset is not normal behavior!
He’s a lost soul at best, at worst a psychopath is pathetically disconnected from his human sense of self, which is the “true self” of human beings. He’s so fragile, like a house of cards, because he desperately seeks to keep his “false-self” image of himself, with godlike rights to rule over others, propped up. For humans, this ape-like behavior is beneath human dignity.
Human beings are hardwired to yearn to be treated with dignity from the first breath to the last. (To be honest, what narcissists do to prove dominance is even beneath what apes in the jungle do.).
A person who thinks master-slave relations between men and women is his job to impose on others is not normal.
A narcissist is his worst enemy due to his fear and desperate attempts to avoid, but also eliminate evidence of human love and vulnerability responses in himself, and in others around him.