5. Focusing on appreciation and gratitude rather than complaints and judgments.
Too many people use their relationship like a trash can—dumping their complaints and judgments on their partner. Complaining and judging are forms of control that create distance rather than connection. While you might feel a bit of closeness when commiserating, this isn’t what creates newness and passion. While comforting each other during hard times is very loving, supporting each other in being victims will only create more pain.
Expressing true appreciation and gratitude for your partner’s wonderful qualities—the qualities that led you to fall in love—is not only vital for maintaining in-love feelings but will also bring you joy.
It takes practice and commitment to be able to make these loving choices when you have mostly learned to protect yourself against pain. When two people practice staying open to learning about themselves and each other, to opening their hearts, and when they practice staying present, appreciative, grateful, and responsible for their own feelings, they will not only stay in love forever after—their love and intimacy will grow and deepen over the years.
Written By Dr Margaret Paul
Love Yourself: A 30-Day at-Home Inner Bonding Experience with Dr. Margaret Paul – to learn to love yourself, rather than continue to reject and abandon yourself, which is the underlying cause of most anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, addictions and relationship problems – Starts February 21, 2018.
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