“So take whatever you’re upset with him/her about and use it to help yourself look squarely at what you need to do in order to grow and evolve. The relationship will thrive!” — Ilene Dillon, LCSW, LMFT
17. Make time for some light and fun moments every day.
“With today’s hectic schedules, it’s easy to find your marriage at the bottom of the priority list. Take a walk and hold hands (nature calms), couple-cook (food fight!), exercise together (tennis or dancing maybe?) or just collect a ‘daily joke’ to share. It doesn’t have to be expensive, but if you make the commitment and effort to laugh together as often as possible, it can sweeten your connection and cement your relationship for life.” — Melodie Tucker, CPC
18. Always check in for your partner’s perspective before bombarding them with criticism or blame.
“For instance, it’s your spouse’s job to walk the dog in the morning, but you discover dog poop on the kitchen floor and cleaning it up makes you late for work. Instead of immediately placing blame, saying something like, ‘I’m puzzled about what happened with Spot this morning,’ is a gentle way to start a conversation.” — Jean Fitzpatrick. L.P
19. Make a list of the top three happiest moments of your relationship.
“Spend a few minutes each day briefly reliving those moments in your mind. The results will amaze you.” — Lucia, Dating Coach
20. Include more of these affirmative statements:
Little statements of positive affirmation go a long way in strengthening the bond with your partner.
“”I love you’, ‘I’m here for you’, “I understand’, ‘I’m sorry’, ‘Thank you’, ‘I really appreciate all that you do’, ‘It’s so nice to see you’, ‘That was quite an accomplishment!'” — Gina Spielman
21. Appreciate your partner every day.
“Appreciate them from your heart about who they are at their essence. Leave gratitude in love notes, hide them so they will find them, or look deeply into their eyes and tell them. Be creative!” — Linda Marie, RN, BSN
22. Create sacred time together
Living together and spending quality time together are two very different things. It is important to squeeze in some moments of quality time with your partner in your daily life.
“Couples need to understand the notion of spending “time” together versus creating sacred time together. Spending time at social events, time with family and doing “chores” together does not count as sacred time. Instead, carve out special time to not only be intimate, but also ensure that you continue to share new experiences together such as hiking, exploring someplace new, or arranging a stay-cation in your own city.” — Marni Battista, CPC
23. Compliment your spouse every day.
“A compliment is a sign of acknowledgment and appreciation. Make an effort to affirm your spouse’s value in life, and in love.” — Nicole Johnson, Dating and Relationship Coach
24. Work on creating a shared vision for your future.
A relationship works well when both partners work as a team towards a common goal.
“Sit down, listen to each other and write out how you want your future as a couple to look. It’s much easier to create your best relationship together if both people’s needs are voiced, heard and supported by their partner.” — Eve Agee, PhD
25. Date nights
“Date night is sacred and special and should be on the same day of the week every week. One week the wife should suggest the date idea and the husband should come up with the date night plan for the opposite week. This encourages both the husband and wife to be invested in date night.” — Julie Spira, Dating and Relationship Coach
26. Add a spiritual component to your life
Adding a component of spirituality in your life can deepen your bond on a more intimate level. Be it activities like yoga, meditation or tantra, opening yourself to the spiritual dimension, deepens your intimacy.
“Learn and practice Tantra and tantric sex techniques.” — Judith Condon
27. Open and honest communication and quality time together are the keys to strengthening your relationship.
“Impossible to imagine one without the other!” — Lori Edelson, LMSW, LMFT
28. Respect is the most important foundation of any relationship.
Respect is the most important factor in any relationship. No one likes to be with a partner who can’t treat them with even a basic level of respect.
“Respect each other, avoid verbal abuse, and keep insults to yourself. Bad words are just like squeezing toothpaste out of its tube — once it is out you can never get it back in again.” — Georgia Panayi, MBA
29. Set aside 10 minutes a day exclusively for your partner.
Ask what her favorite movie is and why, ask him to recall a happy memory from childhood, ask her what she’d like to be remembered for, ask him to name the three worst songs of all time. Do it at dinner, before bed, or anytime — as long as you do it for 10 minutes every day. This simple change infuses relationships with new life. — Dr. Terri Orbuch, Ph.D
30. You can have an Ego or relationship, you can’t have both.
You can either have control or connection in your relationship, but you can’t have both. If you want to have a connection with your partner, you have to be willing to let go of some control.
“Pursue connection!” — Lee Horton, Ph.D
31. Couples often lose each other because they forget to make the relationship their priority in their busy lives
“A healthy marriage is one that has a mix of individual, family, and couple time. The amount of each may be different for each couple, but the mix is necessary to keep a functional marriage.” — Michele Seligman LCSW, BCD
32. Our brains need to be in connection with another brain for healing – Limbic resonance
“Sit face-to-face and gaze into your lover’s eyes in order to allow the limbic system to relax. This will bring you closer and create the deepest sort of intimacy.” — Mary Kay Cocharo, LMFT
33. When you meet each other at the end of your respective days, greet each other with a smile and hold each other for at least 60 seconds.
“By doing so you remind each other’s old/reptilian brains that you are a source of pleasure and comfort. It’s simple, it’s easy to do, and it will make a world of difference.” — Laura Marshall, LCSW
34. Preface important communication with loving and affirming introduction.
“Try saying something like, ‘Honey, I’m confused about your response to my plans for a weekend hunting trip with the guys. When would be a good time to talk further?’ Prefacing your remarks encourages a better, more accommodating reaction from your partner.” — Greg R. Thiel, MA
35. Leave your critic hats behind on important date nights
“Every time you open your mouth to complain about something — whether it’s the food, the service, the movie, the weather, whatever — some part of your partner feels they are failing because you aren’t having a great time. Men are happiest when they can please their woman (and vice versa)! Save the full critique for your friends and in meantime, let your partner see the best in you.” — Delaine Moore, Dating and Relationship Coach
36. Accept your partner as they are
Don’t try to turn your partner into a project. Love and accept them for who they are and encourage them to be their best possible version.
“Don’t try to change them.” — Ellen Hartson
37. When your partner tells you something about you that is bothering them, reflect back on what they are saying.
“When we ‘mirror’, this helps us not feel as defensive and allows us the opportunity to better understand what he is trying to communicate.” — Anne Crowley, Ph.D
38. The best way to strengthen a marriage is to support and assist each other in being the best possible version of themselves.
“The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
39. Lost the loving feeling?
“Step 1: Write down 10 qualities you loved about your partner when you first met and read it to each other.