3 Ways That Grudge Dumping Destroys Relationships

 / 

, ,

Dealing with frustration in a relationship is sometimes a very normal thing to experience. But some people let their frustration get the better of themselves, and end up grudge dumping their partner. This article is going to talk about experiencing frustration in relationships, and how grudge dumping destroys relationships.

KEY POINTS

  • Frustration is a natural part of any intimate relationship; grudge dumping isnโ€™t.
  • Pent-up frustration can lead to temper tantrums, explosive arguments, and words designed to produce maximum hurt.
  • Healthy ways to process frustration in a relationship include speaking up early, writing a letter, and seeking a mediator.

Frustration is unavoidable in any relationship, particularly with close friends or romantic partners. The space between people will always be fertile ground for miscommunication and misunderstanding. It would be unthinkable for even the healthiest intimate relationship not to experience intense frustration or hurtful moments.

But before you read any further, take a moment and answer this question:

When you feel wronged by someone, do you store up frustration, or do you process it with the person and resolve it?

Take your time. The answer to this question ultimately determines if you can sustain healthy intimacy or not. (See โ€œDo You Have A Controlling Personality?โ€œ)

Related: Breadcrumbing in a Relationship: 6 Alarming Signs And How To Manage It

Common Responses to Frustration

Since frustration is a natural part of any relationship, letโ€™s consider three typical responses to it:

1. Ghosting

Ghosting is one of the most common responses when things go wrong. If a relationship becomes frustrating or anxiety-producing, the ghoster will flee without explanation.

Ghosters claim they didnโ€™t want to hurt the person. Ironically, ghosting is one of the most hurtful things you can do to someone you have been intimate with. Ultimately, the ghoster is only protecting themselvesโ€”not the person they ghosted. (See โ€œHow Ghosting Undermines Emotional Health.โ€œ)

Ghosting and grudge dumping in relationships

2. Blame-Shifting

Blame-shifters find a reason to end a relationship without a confrontation. They may blame society, their family, or their childhood. They may even blame themselves (โ€œItโ€™s not you, itโ€™s meโ€).

Their goal is to let a person down gently; ultimately, blame-shifting is most often permission to be cruel without consequence. (See โ€œHow Avoiding Conflict Escalates Conflict in Relationships.โ€œ)

3. Grudge-Collecting

On the surface, grudge-collectors appear to be people-pleasers: quick to smile, always willing to accommodate, and the last to provoke a confrontation.

But beware: Behind their tense grin may be a loaded gun, and each bullet a stored-away grudge, aimed directly at you. Whether they ghost you or shift blame, the outcome is the same: The relationship will end badly.

The Grudge Dump (And Grudge Dumping)

Unrelieved frustration can morph into epic grudges and resentments, which, when stored away, gather in strength and toxicity. As pressure builds, even the most simple misunderstandings can trigger explosive responses:

  • You were lateโ€ฆagain.
  • You didnโ€™t return my textsโ€ฆagain.
  • You were insensitiveโ€ฆagain.

Grudge-dumpers are usually at the end of their rope; their patience has run out. Because the unrelieved pressure is so significant, they feel justified in dumping their grudges in the form of temper tantrums, explosive arguments, or words designed to produce maximum hurt.

Most shockingly, grudge-dumpers feel justified to inflict harm. While grudge dumping offers some relief to themselves, the discharge is so toxic that it frequently damages relationships beyond repair.

Related: Cookie Jarring, The Latest Dating Trend: 8 Signs You Are A Victim

5 Ways To Better Manage Frustration in Relationships

1. Speak up early

Donโ€™t store frustration. Address it early, and it can strengthen intimacy rather than destroy it.

2. Write a letter

Letter-writing gives you a chance to sort out your feelings and be mindful of how you express yourself. If youโ€™re worried about your tone, you may want to have a friend read it before the letter is delivered.

Managing frustration in relationships and avoiding grudge dumping

3. Find a mediator

A mediator, professional, or good friend who can mediate a conflict could bring greater clarity and direction. Most importantly, they can guide you toward mutually acceptable resolutions.

4. Join a group

Group therapy is the best treatment for strengthening communication skills, boundary setting, and establishing healthy intimacy.

5. Accept responsibility

If you wronged someone, donโ€™t be stubborn; apologize and set the tone for healthy reconciliation. Take the initiative. Mistakes are natural; processing them thoughtfully together will ultimately bring you closer.


Written By Sean Grover L.C.S.W.
Originally Appeared On Psychology Today
frustration in relationship

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Best Breakup Songs To Help You Move On

Breakups are undeniably one of the most painful experiences in life. But thankfully, there is plenty of music to help you on your healing journey. Today, weโ€™re diving into some of the best breakup songs that will help you release those pent-up emotions and move forward.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

No matter what you are going through, whether you feel like your who

Up Next

When You Refuse To Let Go Of Someone You Love, Even When They Donโ€™t Love You Anymore

I get it. You donโ€™t want to let go of someone you love. Even when itโ€™s clear that itโ€™s over. Even when itโ€™s clear that it is time and things will only get worse from here. Yet, you want to hold on just a little longer. But if you truly love someone let them go.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

โ€œNo! No! Itโ€™s fine. Itโ€™s ab

Up Next

How To Let Go Of Someone You Are Desperately Trying To Hold On To

Do you know what happens when you desperately hold on to someone you really need to let go of? When you hold on to the idea of โ€œusโ€ and refuse to see the reality for what it is? You force the person you love the most in the world to hate you. You compel them to resent you. And in this process, you hurt yourself more than the other person did. This is why itโ€™s crucial that we talk about how to let go of someone you donโ€™t want to lose.

<

Up Next

8 Unmistakable Signs He Will Never Come Back: The Final Farewell

Ah, the bittersweet realm of love and heartbreak. Weโ€™ve all been there, hanging onto that tiny edge of hope that things might get better again, and we donโ€™t have to go our separate ways. But letโ€™s face it, sometimes itโ€™s just not meant to be. Today, we are going to talk about the signs he will never come back. Yes, itโ€™s going to get a bit heavy today.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

<

Up Next

Oystering Dating: 3 Game-Changing Insights That Could Transform Your Love Life Post Breakup

Life after a breakup can feel like wandering in the dark. You had something that made you comfortable, and suddenly itโ€™s replaced by something vast and uncertain. But out of the waves of sadness and pain comes a new outlook on life โ€“ Oystering dating.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

What Is Oystering

Up Next

Out-of-the-Box Ways To Get Over A Breakup, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Sometimes a break up can hit us so hard, that we begin to act like someone weโ€™re not. Everyone gets over heartbreak in their own way โ€” some ways to get over a break up are just different than others.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

Breakups can make you do some unimaginable things. Things that, in retrospect, make you question the kind of pe

Up Next

6 Worst Types Of Breakups Hard To Get Over: Heartbreak Hall Of Fame

Welcome to the land of breakups, where we put a magnifying glass on the most chaotic and worst types of breakups that can make even the strongest hearts feel a whole lotta pain. Being in love is a beautiful experience, isnโ€™t it? However, thereโ€™s always a risk of things not working out, but thatโ€™s the risk you take when you fall for someone, right?

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});