By that I mean, interact with each other, spend time together, talk with each other about the things you enjoy; whether that’s opera or sports, trivia games or Shakespeare’s sonnets.
If you keep an open mind and focus on the interactions, you’ll know very soon whether this person is going to remain just a “date” rather than a soul mate. Or you may find he is a soul mate who is not a life mate. Or happily, you both realize you have found your life mate in each other.
Ask yourself, “How does this person treat me? How do I treat him?” Along with the giddy, riding on the roller coaster flush of love and passion, is there respect and consideration in your treatment of each other?
When he says he will do something, does he actually follow through? Do you?
If what people are feeling, saying, and doing are all consistent, the foundation is there for loving and healthy relationships. In other words, these things can show you if you are able to mate — to be soulmates who are also life partners.
If things seem to be hitting a major snag it’s time to take a deep breath, step back, and evaluate. Are there changes you can make to your behavior? Compromising on things like activities and accommodating each other’s preferences can be great ways to build on your relationship.
This week, it may be pizza and watching sports for him. Next weekend might be sushi and a museum visit for you.
You can also practice active listening with your partner to find the best communication style for both of you. In this way, you hear what he is saying and he can also learn to truly hear you.
All of these are examples of healthy adaptation and can bring about positive changes and growth. These are ways to improve and build your relationship with your soul mate.
But if you are compromising your principles — doing things that demean you or lower your self-esteem, it’s time to take a long hard look at what’s happening.
If you’re feeling uncomfortable and anxious, that is your intuition or gut instinct trying to protect you from potential harm. It may be time to let the relationship go, either temporarily or permanently.
Even if the person with whom you are involved in a harmful relationship is your soul mate, you still get to choose — and one choice may be not to go through life in this kind of pain. You can choose not to be life mates.
Are there changes the other person can make? We can’t control another’s behavior or make them change. What we can do is communicate honestly about our own feelings and experiences.
If they’ve heard us, they then have a choice — to adapt in order to improve or positively influence the relationship. Or not. And if not, the soul mate relationship may not be a life mate relationship.
No matter what happens, give yourself the benefit of getting to know your partner. As you move through different stages of your relationship, you will discover things about him — and about yourself. That awareness will guide you to build a better relationship with your mate.
Soul mate? Life Mate? Build the best relationship possible, and you’ll know in your heart.
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- The Bitter Truth About Dating A Married Man