17 Signs We Are Used or Abused

13. We’re Feel We’re in the Wrong or We’re the Problem:

Feeling it’s our fault leaves us feeling like we don’t fit in – even in our own home. If we bring up the troubling thoughts on our mind, they tell us we’re imagining things – and that we’re the problem. Or they say if only we’d trust them things would be okay. If we’d stop questioning them everything would be fine. They tell us, because we’re so suspicious we’re ruining everything. We feel worse, nothing is resolved, we feel less and less “at home”.

I got these absurdities from the predator who hijacked me for a US green card: I can’t have sex!! Sex takes away my creativity. – And: Don’t touch me!! It makes me remember being beat. – And: You want a husband who lays around all day and makes no money? I can stay home! I can be a lazy guy! – And: My father never cheated with other women, why would I?! – And: It’s not good to be on social media, a private life should be private. – And: What money???!!! I don’t have any money!!!

14. We Feel Like They Don’t Care About Important Things In Our Life:

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We don’t feel supported. We feel things we care about don’t faze them. Things in our lives we’d expect the person we’re dating or married to to have an opinion about seem to never hit their radar. We get no response, or an odd reaction when our goldfish or our mom dies instead of any level of compassion. We might get a blank stare, or a shrug and a grumble that doesn’t fit the circumstances – leaving us feeling like we’re falling through air. The fact is, our concerns and problems irritate them and put them on the spot. Sociopaths cannot relate to, feel or understand the feelings we have. – They truly don’t care.


15. Things Aren’t a Two-Way Street:

We feel let down and like the only one “giving”. Things are one way for them and another for us. We feel like we don’t count. They can use our car or take our money to go meet someone for lunch, but we can’t freely borrow their iPad let alone their car (if they have one.) – When they do use our things they “adopt” them as if our Kindle or book bag is now theirs. We do their laundry or stop by and feed their dog, but they’re unreliable or absent for us. Their birthday is a big deal, ours is not – usually, we get nothing on our birthday from them. We’re tending to their needs – and it seems expected, while they ignore our needs – unless – by reciprocating they get: money, access to others to use, or a place to live, or something else they want.


16. We Feel We’re Being Lied To:

Things aren’t adding up. When they say certain things there’s a lurch in the pit of our stomach that floats up to shimmer in the back of our mind: somethings not right. (And then sometimes they say the oddest things, that make no sense like: “You only thing you love me. If you knew who I really was you wouldn’t love me.”)


17. We Feel Like We’re in a Nightmare:

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We know we have no idea what’s going on. This is like nothing we’ve ever known. We’re scared out of our gourd. We’ve done what people do in relationships and tried, and tried and nothing has changed except now we’re in danger, scared and terrified. – Now, instead of feeling, we’ll die without them, we feel we’ll die because of them. We know they could kill us.


Confusion, Exclusion, and Fear Add Up to Danger and Signal We’re Being Used

These feelings signal this person isn’t into us for a normal or genuine reason. We’ve been put in a box for their personal use or gain and “normal” is never going to happen. Confusion and self-doubt are effects of the emotional or physical assault.

These feelings signal our “mate” has a life they keep us from. They more than likely have a past or current life we know nothing about. They may be married, live with someone, have children we don’t know about. Have habits that are destructive, criminal records or behavior that’s considered a crime – or behavior that if it isn’t considered a crime – it should be.

Having these feelings within a relationship or friendship indicates our friend or partner is a narcissist (NPD). Or – A much more serious danger: an antisocial psychopath – known as a sociopath – commonly known as a scammer, or con man or con artist. Sociopaths cannot have genuine relationships and only bring inevitable harm.


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Jennifer Smith - True Love Scam Recoveryhttp://www.truelovescam.com
Jennifer Smith founded True Love Scam Recovery in encouragement and support of those hijacked by a sociopath in a true love scam after marrying and escaping one herself. 'The Sociopath's Scam - It Isn't Personal' in Shahida Arabi, 'Becoming the Narcissists Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself'.
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