We feel ashamed, hurt, isolated, alone when they come at us in sex on overdrive. Drugs might come it to cope with the sexual scenarios. We try to convince ourselves dominance and ropes or sex only on Wednesday afternoon’s, or only if we’re “good” is okay. – We try to convince ourselves that one thing they want to do… is okay – when really, we don’t like it and don’t want it. We feel stranded on an island of pain floating further and further away from love – and further and further from our life as we know or want it.
Sometimes the greatest lies are told in silence.
10. We Feel Torn:
Pulled in many directions we float – almost out-of-body – trying to collect the pieces. We’re caught between our partner and our kids, between our partner and our parents. There’s a panic, a lump pf nausea in our gut, trying to bring things into focus, into line. We try to meet the regular needs of our kids, work, family and at the same time we feel out of step with our partner – and everything else. We try to figure out the indefinable needs of our partner, try to resolve the rough bits and to make things look happy and great to everyone else. We feel we’re failing. We feel we’re sinking. We’re agitated and anxious. We hope no one notices.
11. We’re Uneasy – There’s Fighting and the Silent Treatment:
Bottom line – we’re afraid and apprehensive, cautious about how we approach them. If we ask where they went or if they’ve got $95 dollars to pay the cable bill the roof gets blown off the house with their indignant anger. Ask why they came home so late and they don’t talk to us for three days. Wonder out loud why the gas tank is already on empty and we’re treated to rage from hell. – Sometimes even certain words we use make them angry.
Emotions and feelings are messages from our body and mind.
The meaning we give them leads us to safety or trouble.
12. We Worry About Getting Things Right:
We feel like we might get something wrong and upset them. Certain “rules” or patterns have fallen into place and seem expected. We feel we can’t break the rhythm that’s been set, a routine that caters to them. Maybe they tell us what to wear, or not wear. Where to go, or not go. When we can talk to our mom or not to talk to our mom. Maybe… they get physical or make threats.
13. We’re Feel We’re in the Wrong or We’re the Problem:
Feeling it’s our fault leaves us feeling like we don’t fit in – even in our own home. If we bring up the troubling thoughts on our mind, they tell us we’re imagining things – and that we’re the problem. Or they say if only we’d trust them things would be okay. If we’d stop questioning them everything would be fine. They tell us, because we’re so suspicious we’re ruining everything. We feel worse, nothing is resolved, we feel less and less “at home”.
I got these absurdities from the predator who hijacked me for a US green card: I can’t have sex!! Sex takes away my creativity. – And: Don’t touch me!! It makes me remember being beat. – And: You want a husband who lays around all day and makes no money? I can stay home! I can be a lazy guy! – And: My father never cheated with other women, why would I?! – And: It’s not good to be on social media, a private life should be private. – And: What money???!!! I don’t have any money!!!
14. We Feel Like They Don’t Care About Important Things In Our Life:
We don’t feel supported. We feel things we care about don’t faze them. Things in our lives we’d expect the person we’re dating or married to to have an opinion about seem to never hit their radar. We get no response, or an odd reaction when our goldfish or our mom dies instead of any level of compassion. We might get a blank stare, or a shrug and a grumble that doesn’t fit the circumstances – leaving us feeling like we’re falling through air. The fact is, our concerns and problems irritate them and put them on the spot. Sociopaths cannot relate to, feel or understand the feelings we have. – They truly don’t care.