14. You feel like if you could just change yourself and not be so needy, this would all work out.
This is by far the biggest warning sign of all. If you start to feel that there’s something wrong with you, or you’re doing something wrong that’s causing him to pull away, and maybe if you just gave him more of the freedom he wants, and wait for him quietly, and…well, you get it.
Don’t fall into this trap. If you want a real relationship, equipped with real feelings, real caring, real consideration, and real romance, and he doesn’t, then he’s not the right guy for you and let him (and yourself) go.
If you see any of these warning signs, and especially if you see several of them, chances are that this is not a guy that’s looking for a real relationship right now – or at least not the kind you’re looking for.
Your best bet is to walk away gracefully, with your self-esteem intact, and not look back (even if he then starts calling you and chasing you – that’s just a sign of a game-player with deeper issues). Rather than trying to get him to change or waiting for him to come around, try focusing on you and why you’re in a relationship with someone like this.
If you find yourself in this type of relationship often, which many of us do, it’s time for some real soul searching to get to the root of it.
If you have access to good counseling, take advantage of it, as many times this is the only way to true healing. And it will be worth it in the long run, to get you past the cycle of toxic relationships so you can move on to the kind of true, sustainable love that you want to attract into your life.
Sometimes it’s hard to see when we’re in it, but know that if you’re settling for less than you deserve, there truly is someone out there ready and waiting to give you what you’re looking for – and to treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
It’s in believing in ourselves, trusting our gut instincts and discovering who we really are and what we’re really looking for, that all the other pieces of the puzzle fall into place and we find ourselves finally getting it right and discovering the love of our lives – the one who doesn’t come with any red flags.
And you deserve nothing less than that, no matter where you’ve been or what you’ve been through.
It’s all out there waiting for you!
Written by Jane Garapick
Originally appeared on Yourtango.com
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