11 Ways Narcissists Use Shame to Control Others

Narcissist Use Shame to Control Others

7) Religious Guilt.

It doesn’t matter what the religion of the narcissist or the other person is. In every religion, there are a set of standards and expectations. The narcissist will use the other person’s religious beliefs to guilt them into acting a certain way. They might even go as far to say, “God told me you need to…”

8) Offensive Play.

The narcissist will use personal attacks to put the other person on the defense. The other person will get so caught up in defending their name or character that they will miss the next attack. “Look how defensive you are, you must have done something wrong,” the narcissist will say. This is a checkmate position because the other person has nowhere to go. Offensive play is one of the most horrible ways narcissists use shame to control others.

9) Talking Above.

Instead of talking down (baby talk), the narcissist will talk over the other person’s knowledge level. Even if the other person is more intelligent, the narcissist will talk in circles with an air of authority to force the other person into an inferior position.

Related: Dear Empaths: 4 Types of Narcissists You May Be Attracting

They will use sophisticated vocabulary, physical posturing such as looking down at the other person, and embellishment of details to disguise the real point of shaming the other person.

10) Comparing Accomplishments.

It doesn’t matter what the other person has accomplished, the narcissist did it first, better, and more efficiently. By outperforming the other person, the narcissist minimizes the other person’s accomplishments in comparison to their own. This produces an ‘I can never be good enough,’ feeling in the other person.

11) First Impression.

A narcissist is very aware of how they look and appear to others. Frequently they are dressed in designer clothing with immaculate grooming. Not a hair is ever out of place. This is not just for the narcissist; rather their perfectionistic appearance is used to demean others. Comments like, “They don’t take care of themselves,” or “It doesn’t take a lot of effort to look better” are typical.

When a person can see a punch coming, it is easier to dodge. Resist the temptation to attack first with a narcissist that will only intensify their reaction. Instead, deflect and distract to avoid becoming a target.


Written By Christine Hammond
Originally Appeared On Psychcentral.com

Printed with permission from the author

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Christine Hammond, LMHC, NCC

She specializes in personality disorders (Narcissism and Borderline), mental health disorders, addictions, ADD, OCD, co-dependency, anxiety, anger, depression, parenting, and marriage. Christine is available for counseling, mentoring, and speaking. Currently, she works in Winter Park, Florida at LifeWorks Group. You can schedule an appointment at 407-647-7005 or email her here. As a professional speaker, she has taught on personalities, personality disorders, stress, negotiation skills, anger management, boundaries, ADD/ADHD, marriages, parenting, and women's issues.View Author posts