As time passes, those back-burnered desires may re-emerge. Though they may have temporarily become lost in the couple’s commitment to mutual dreams, they begin to beg attention.
Partners who respect and support those buried desires want them to happen. They know that some of their relationship priorities may have to be rescheduled, and the resources to make that happen must be willingly reallocated.
8) Making Room for Each Other’s Broken Places
Whatever happens in life, no one who escapes sorrow. Though some have suffered more than others, everyone has had experiences of terrifying vulnerability, moments of humiliation, and anguishing loss.
When people truly love and respect each other, they are fully present and supportive when their partners express those memories and the emotions that accompany them. They do not challenge, invalidate, or question the reasons they feel that way.
In quality love relationships, partners realize that broken places naturally will emerge for both of them from time to time. They feel grateful that they can be there for each other when that happens.
When a sorrow feels either person’s heart, the other partner attends without judgment, gives support without the need to change the experience, and offers unconditional love during those moments can actually help those damaged places to heal.
From the first moments of life, there are specific kinds of interactions between children and their caretakers that create in those children a sense of being deeply understood and known.
Attunement is the ability to listen beyond what is being said, to see what is not being revealed, and to feel what is not being shared. When we feel treasured, we intuitively feel that our partners “get” us. We feel their genuine interest, their loving welcome, and their total devotion.
People who love each other are deeply attuned to the thoughts and feelings of each other. They welcome the opportunity to pay exquisite attention to what the other needs, often before they are even apparent to the other.
10) The Freedom to be Transparent
The level of intimate connection between lovers is directly correlated to how authentic they can be with each other. The more open they can be with what they are thinking and feeling, the more they can know who the other truly is.
Yet, all truths are not always helpful or necessary in every situation. Sometimes the choice to withhold or to be more diplomatic is more caring. Successful partners understand discern how much openness is appropriate to each situation.
Intimacy is positively correlated with the partner’s willingness to share their internal worlds with each other. Those who seek a greater closeness do everything they can to practice resiliency and to reduce defensiveness so that transparency will grow.
These ten behaviors are true gifts of love. Those who experience them in their most important relationships enjoy the sacred experience of being deeply known, fully accepted, and authentically beloved.
Despite the energy and commitment, it takes to achieve this kind of love, those who have made it happen are beacons of hope for those who are seeking the same joy.