10 True Gifts of Love That Make Your Relationship Last Forever

When a current interaction activates a prior memory, especially one that is unresolved or traumatic, either partner may think that the reaction is about him or her, when it is not.

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That interaction creates an interpersonal conflict when it should not.  If people experiencing that triggered response understand that it is not coming from their current relationship, they can resolve it more successfully.

It is never easy for anyone to fully understand another’s internal world. There are multiple memories that drive people’s feelings, thoughts, or needs. It is crucial that both partners do not assume they have experienced life the same way.

5) Memorizing What is Sacred

There are specific words and actions that can make each person either feel safe in his or her most vulnerable states or can create insecurity, self-doubt, and defensiveness.

When people truly love each other, they know the difference between them, and don’t hurt one another by forgetting those that wound.

No matter how angry, hurt, frustrated, upset, irritated, or disappointed either partner gets, people who treasure each other don’t use their partner’s vulnerabilities irresponsibly. They also know what touches the heart, what soothes the soul, and what inspires the mind of the other.

6) Shouldering the Load

At any one time, all relationships have access to resources from which to nurture and support each other.

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They can choose to allocate when they will be available, how much energy they want to put into any interaction, whether or not they want to offer support, and how present they will be when they attend.

When either partner is overloaded or unable to carry his or her fair share of the current load, the other partner willingly steps up to help without questioning the need.

Devoted partners don’t keep score or worry that they might be taken advantage of if they have to give more in certain situations. They accept that there will be unexpected challenges that require more commitment and are ready to do that when necessary.

 

7) Making Room for Each Other’s Individual Dreams

Even the most loving of couples can forget to encourage their partner’s separate paths to fulfillment. New lovers willingly push aside their individual goals in order to concentrate on those that are mutual.

They understandably want their lives to intertwine and to grow stronger as a unit and do not mind sacrificing personal dreams when necessary to make that happen.

As time passes, those back-burnered desires may re-emerge. Though they may have temporarily become lost in the couple’s commitment to mutual dreams, they begin to beg attention.

Partners who respect and support those buried desires want them to happen. They know that some of their relationship priorities may have to be rescheduled, and the resources to make that happen must be willingly reallocated.

8) Making Room for Each Other’s Broken Places

Whatever happens in life, no one who escapes sorrow. Though some have suffered more than others, everyone has had experiences of terrifying vulnerability, moments of humiliation, and anguishing loss.

When people truly love and respect each other, they are fully present and supportive when their partners express those memories and the emotions that accompany them. They do not challenge, invalidate, or question the reasons they feel that way.

In quality love relationships, partners realize that broken places naturally will emerge for both of them from time to time. They feel grateful that they can be there for each other when that happens.

When a sorrow feels either person’s heart, the other partner attends without judgment, gives support without the need to change the experience, and offers unconditional love during those moments can actually help those damaged places to heal.

9) Attunement

From the first moments of life, there are specific kinds of interactions between children and their caretakers that create in those children a sense of being deeply understood and known.

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Dr. Randi Guntherhttp://www.randigunther.com/
In her 40-year-career as a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor, She Had Spent Over 100,000 face-to-face hours with singles and couples helping them to sort out their desires and conflicts about intimate relationships. She Had explored all the reasons why their relationships so often start out euphoric only to crumble and how they can turn those disappointments into future successes. She truly believe that the greatest obstacles standing between you and the love you want is often right before your eyes but you are unable to envision the journey. Her specialty is to help you look at yourself and your relationships with heroic honesty and the willingness to look deeply at yourself and what you bring to a relationship so that you can finally create the kind of transformation that will change you forever. You'll finally understand why you've struggled in love, and what skills you'll need to create the kind of relationship you've always wanted - one in which you fall deeper in love while simultaneously scaling the heights of your individual potential. It's how her husband and She have made their marriage their bedrock for over 60 years. Subscribe to her free advice newsletter at www.heroiclove.com where she'll tell you everything she has learned about finding and keeping a truly heroic relationship.
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