4. A cheater today is a cheater tomorrow.
Tammy Nelson, a couples therapist and the author of The New Monogamy: Redefining Your Relationship After Infidelity says, “When we assume “once a cheater, always a cheater,” we deeply underestimate people’s ability to change.” This saying simply sells people short.
To believe the cheating myth that cheaters cannot change is to discredit one powerful human emotion – guilt. What connection does this have with cheating?
Couple therapists have to say that the guilt that cheaters are overcome with slowly gnaws at their conscience and it doesn’t let the wrong settle in them. Once a person realizes the pain one has inflicted on his/her partner by cheating on them, they will never like to go back to experience the aftermath of cheating.
5. People who cheat are narcissistic manipulators.
Not all narcissistic manipulators are cheaters. Some narcissists will never cheat on you with other people, yet subtly keep manipulating and controlling you throughout the relationship. Not everyone who cheats is the evil monster you think them to be.
Anthony Tasso, Ph.D., ABPP, a clinical psychologist in Whippany, New Jersey says, “Some cheaters have a more deeply ingrained unconscious, self-sabotaging style. At the core, they don’t feel worthy of a healthy relationship so the affair becomes an avenue to undermine and possibly destroy their partnership.”
6. Only sexual involvement counts as cheating.
Micro-cheating is the term used to define, seemingly irrelevant and insignificant actions on the part of a person that speaks infidelity, even without crossing the physical line. This means, holding hands, harmlessly flirting with them, explicitly declaring that you have something for them or even getting emotionally attached and dependent on them also counts as ‘micro’ cheating.
Interestingly, you have already crossed the line when you believe your partner would feel uncomfortable if they see your actions.
Cheating is exclusively defined by the cheater and the person being cheated on. A recent Norwegian study concludes that men and women react distinctly to different forms of cheating. Whereas men feel sexual infidelity is a bigger crime, so-called emotional infidelity is what makes women the most jealous. Which means, people perceive different types of infidelity in different ways.
The next time you forgive yourself of the casual slip off with a side person, you should reconsider your definition of cheating.
7. Women do not cheat as frequently as men.
According to recent research by the Institute for Family Studies, men are still, in general, slightly more likely to cheat than women,” Amica Graber, relationship expert says that even though cheating is more frequent in men “but it’s interesting to note that infidelity amongst women has been growing at a rapid pace since the sexual revolution. Among married adults aged 18 – 29, women are actually more likely to cheat than men.”
Statistics of infidelity are rapidly altering and the truth is taking the shape of a cheating myth.
8. Sexual cheating is more common in men.
Is it a highly stereotyped belief that men are more likely to cheat sexually and women are more likely to emotionally cheat on their partners. On the same page, men can also cheat emotionally even though it is less likely to happen independently. Even if a man cheats emotionally, physical attraction is a surefire contributor to infidelity.
But Dr. Zeine says that the problem here is that “There are times or phases in men and women’s lives where they could have sexual or emotional needs. The phases can happen for both of them.”
9. A cheater should never be trusted after an affair.
Moving back to point 4, you could easily debunk this tiring cliche about a cheater being an untrustworthy person.
“Can I trust my partner again?” is an important question to ask, especially if you are a victim of infidelity. By all means, this question will yield you nothing as the appropriate question here is “Why did my partner choose to betray me?” This definitely sounds simple but is apparently difficult to consider when you are distraught with the feelings of betrayal.