2. Mind control seduction/ NLP techniques:
Narcissistic/psychopathic individuals are very skilled in the use of flowery, suggestive language that is designed to seduce and induce trance states where the target feels anchored and bound to their abuser via imagery and story-telling. The internet is filled with seduction websites that teach people how to deceptively seduce people through mind control, and no doubt abusive and deceptive suitors have taken notes (and practiced) these sinister techniques on many unwilling and unsuspecting targets. Intense eye contact is also woven into the descriptive language that binds a target to her suitor. S/he may think her new partner is lovingly gazing into her eyes only to find out that truly, this intense gaze is more reptilian and predatory in nature. The abuser is really sizing up his prey and drinking in how he is going to extract maximum narcissistic supply, with generous infusions of power and control. If your newfound lover is a sweet-talker and you find yourself in mesmerizing, trance-like states after spending time listening to him talk about how he will blend his life with your’s, complete with vivid sensory detail, you would do yourself a favor to quickly obtain some smelling salts and wake up. Research mind control seduction techniques on the Web, and you will see exactly how your abuser is grooming you in the seduction stage so you will attach to him like Velcro.
3. Facade of altruism/heroism/outer mask:
Many people in positions of power and successful status in the professional world are healthy, authentic individuals. However, there are some who are very deceptively NOT healthy, and they hide behind the mask of doing good for the community (pastor, doctor, therapist, teacher, lawyer, politician, etc). This mask allows the predator to hide amongst the masses and extract Prime Grade Ego Fuel (attention, adulation, praise, and eventually emotional pain and suffering) from large quantities of people. In turn, pathological abusers can present as high functioning on the outside (or on a dating profile) at the beginning of a love relationship. With time, however, the mask inevitably slips, and the disordered underbelly is eventually revealed.
Abusers will deploy this trick when they want to destabilize their love object, throwing them off-center. Extreme narcissists will retract something that they said or did and project onto their lover the insinuation that the lover made up the situation or is going crazy. The term was coined from the movie Gaslight (1944) starring Ingrid Bergman. Gaslighting results in cognitive dissonance, the state of confusion and dichotomous thinking that a person feels when they simultaneously feel love for their abuser and also know that their abuser is engaging in a form of psychological abuse, causing them harm. Gaslighting happens in the devaluation and discard stages, and will resume after a hoover if the target allows another cycle.
An abuser verbally regurgitates his feelings onto his love object. Most often, an extreme narcissist ironically does not have high self worth and most definitely lacks solid insight. Narcissists are not able to examine and acknowledge their own transgressions and inadequacies. Grandiosity prevents a narcissist from allowing him/herself to be vulnerable as a human being and examining areas of growth. Instead of accountability, a narcissist “vomits up” their buried feelings about themselves onto their love objects. Over time, the target is repetitively abused, shamed, blamed and castigated for the very issues the extreme narcissist committed. Eventually and with exposure to relentless and persistent projection and gaslighting, the target’s self esteem plummets.