Have you ever asked yourself, why you hold on to someone, something or a situation for dear life?

As I have become more aware of certain patterns and have had impactful experiences in life, there is more curiosity of why did I hold on for so long to something, that I knew deep down inside wasn’t for me. I had the privilege to speak with so many wonderful human beings during my life. What I have encountered not only in their stories, but also in mine; is that there is a holding on to a belief, the past, a person, a relationship, a situation, a thing and so on.

Why do we hold on to someone, something, things, situations, and our story for dear life? Having the curiosity to explore the source of my decision making process, I have come to a conclusion that it is because I was holding on basing my decision on fear. Because of fear, we make all sorts of life changing decisions, for example, staying in a marriage or relationship that is unfulfilling, staying in a job that you hate, not saying no, when you really want to say no. With fear being behind our decision-making process, it maintains us in our comfort zone. How can fear be a part of our comfort zone, you might be wondering? Even if you are choosing to stay in an unfulfilling marriage, at least you are certain of being in an unfulfilling marriage.

Lets take your relationship status for example. This is the topic that I most talk about, and learn from every day. Lets say you are with your spouse, for sometime you have felt, there is something wrong. For fear of not meeting his/hers expectations, being rejected, being alone, having to go through a process of separation, choosing to make it work, etc.; you choose to just keep quiet. You know that if you make a choice to tell them what really is going on, there might be consequences and you do not want to go through that. Fearing the unknown just keeps debilitating you. Your power is now debilitating and the fear is stronger.

I have learned that every time I have made a decision based on fear, guess what? I am back where I was before of making that choice, the only difference is there is more pain than before. Fear is such a strong motivator in life, if you choose it to be. In the caveman era, our ancestors feared being eaten by wild animals so the fight or flight in their DNA’s came very handy. How about now? Are their any wild animals hunting us? There is still this survival mode in all of us, and it is part of us being human. What are we running away from? What are we so scared of, that we don’t even give ourselves time to heal and we are once again running or flying from something or someone.

What if we start making decisions when we are empowered by our own strength, love, knowledge, and our higher self? Those decisions even if in that moment may cause pain, the important thing is that they are made out of self-power and not fear. What I have been asking myself lately, in the most important areas of my life has been:
Does this decision come from a source of fear or does it come from a source of empowerment? If the answer is from fear, I take a step back, meditate, acknowledge the fear and give my self-time and space to process. Then I can go back and choose something that aligns more with what I really really want. Fear serves a purpose and I welcome it into my life. What I do not let fear do, is run my life. That means being the motor that is behind my decision-making and my personal strength. I invite you to ask yourself the question of where is this big decision coming from, is it from a place of empowerment or is it from a place of fear? Remember to be kind, compassionate and loving with yourself. If not what might end up happening is that you start running or fighting yourself. And we all know that makes life more complicated. If you had to feel in the blank of the following question, what would it be? If I weren’t afraid I would…….

Light and love,

Vanessa Rivera



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