People will drift in and out of your life

It is rare that people stay in your life from childhood through to adulthood. Some friends from your youth may be in your life till old age, but that doesn’t mean you are compatible. It just means, like family, familiarity and consequence has forced your lives together. It’s not that attracting these relationships isn’t valuable. Old friends are probably some of the most important connections you will make and are the most noteworthy in your personal history. It’s just that sometimes the most profound and significant relationships you have may be short lived. Sometimes people will drift into your life and it’s like the universe has aligned to facilitate your union. These are the people that pass through your life and make an impact. You may meet them through work, or it could be someone you meet while traveling or someone you had a short but intense romantic involvement with. They are the people you never forget and the ones that change you, but somehow you know that it is impossible for them to be in your life for the long run.

You may feel like you are attracting all the wrong people, but in fact you are attracting the right people that you need in that moment in time.

We are socialized to believe that there is one person out there who is supposed to complete us. One person who we are supposed to meet and spend the rest of our lives with. For some people, attracting this person is a reality and, whether it is a choice and daily compromise, a commitment is made to form a union with one other person and see it through — no matter what and til the end of your days.

However, true and long-lasting love is not a given for everybody. The reality is that it is healthy to have romantic encounters throughout our lives, particularly in our youth and formative years, to help us understand who we truly are and who we want to become. Loving relationships, whether sexual or platonic, teach us about ourselves. They give us the tools to understand what it means to truly connect with another human being on an emotional, physical, and intellectual level. They teach us to compromise and cooperate by negotiating our own needs with the needs of another. You may feel like you are attracting all the wrong people, but in fact you are attracting the right people that you need in that moment in time. Sometimes, if you love someone, you have to set them free.

 Gradually we stop indulging in the need to please others and learn to do what is in our own best interest.

The famous Shakespearean quote from the tale of Hamlet is the key to attracting the right people in your life, and it gets easier the older we get. Being true to ourselves is not as easy as it sounds and it is something that needs to be practiced and learned as we grow up. When we are young, we do what we are told, what our parents and teachers tell us. The older we get, the more self determination we develop. We ask questions. We see things from our own perspectives and learn to make up our own minds. We use our experiences and our resourcefulness to guide us and, while taking others’ advice and influence on board, we think critically and develop the ability to make rational decisions. This means that gradually we stop indulging in the need to please others and learn to do what is in our own best interest. This doesn’t imply that we are selfish or self absorbed. It instead alludes to becoming a self reliant and independent, free-thinking individual, who can make their own decisions and prioritize their own happiness and satisfaction. The truer you are to yourself, and the more you respect your own wishes, the harder it becomes to tolerate the wrong people. Attracting the right people becomes inevitable.


 Written by Diane Koopman
This article has been republished from Lifehack.org, click here to view the original copy.