The Elusive INFJ

 / 

,
The Elusive INFJ

Theyโ€™ve been called a lot of things: The Unicorn, The Special Snowflake, The Oracle, The Protector, The Psychic, The Counselor. But whatever you want to call the rarest 1% of the population, itโ€™s hard to deny that theyโ€™re the most elusive INFJ type among us.

In fact, itโ€™s a fairly safe bet to assume that no one is actually an INFJ but in their own deluded, self-aggrandizing minds. MBTI buffs, particularly of the NF variety, love to self-efface from the vague descriptions online and wave the INFJ flag. Thatโ€™s precisely why, whenever someone who is unfamiliar with the MBTI tool and cognitive functions takes the test in front of me and gets the INFJ result, I take an astute interest in them.

Related: 7 Struggles of an INFJ Personality Type

Are you actually an INFP?

The thing I always want to know first is โ€˜Are you actually an INFP?โ€™. Why? Because INFPs frequently mistake themselves for INFJ. First of all, INFJs and INFPs are really, really similar in appearance, and by appearance, I mean they take on the same mannerisms, tend to behave the same way, and reach the same conclusions. Theyโ€™re also the two most frequently misunderstood NFs (Introverted Feelers).

The reason why is a bit complicated and has a lot to do with how cognitive functions work. Without getting into the boring details, INFPs (understandably) mistake the fact they lead with a Judging function (Fi) with being a Judging type. This isnโ€™t the case, however, for reasons which are even more complicated and involved and I donโ€™t care to make your eyes cross by getting into the mumbo jumbo of how functions work together.

If you really want to know what the difference is between INFJ and INFP, itโ€™s discussed in great length here. If youโ€™re still confused, this test will give you a better clue if youโ€™re torn between the two.

elusive INFJ
The elusive INFJ

INFJs Are Not Who You Think They Are

Itโ€™s true. Theyโ€™re social chameleons, like Mystique from X-Men, they can observe and take on the shape and form (behaviors and mannerisms) of any other type. At work, INFJs may look like INTPs (laid-back geniuses), and socially, they may resemble ENFPs (charismatic idealists) or ESFJs (social organizers).

Actually, they can seem like any type, depending on which side of their multi-faceted, multi-layered personality they want to show you in whichever social context you happen to be in.

You may even think an INFJ is your type since they like to frequently use the social tool called โ€˜mirroringโ€™, which is basically observing and copying your mannerisms in order to gain rapport with you. For this reason and a lot of others, elusive INFJs are notoriously difficult to type.

The only sure way to know is to have someone take the test and confirm that they are an INFJ. You will be surprised to find out who is actually an INFJ. I like to think that I know people pretty well and I still tend to miss identifying true INFJs.

Related: Are you an INFJ? 14 Signs Of A Genuine INFJ Personality

INFJs Can Predict The Future

Wellโ€ฆkind of. Actually, itโ€™s that they lead with the most mysterious function, Ni (Introverted Intuition) which is able to instantly make connections; both past, and present, and use them to establish patterns, which will produce knowledge of the most likely outcomes.

INTJs also have this ability but in a different context. For those of you who play video games, itโ€™s kind of like this: two classes may have the same abilities (for example, close combat melee weapons) but one class masters dueling swords while the other uses a broadsword.

Thatโ€™s kind of how cognitive functions work for types: INFJs and INTJs both use instant connections to establish patterns and determine likely outcomes..but the INFJ is an expert in determining what people will do whereas INTJs are better at determining what logical events will happen.

If you want to know, at any given point, what a person will likely do when put into X situation, ask an INFJ. They will be right about 97% of the time. Thatโ€™s because INFJs understand people almost instantly and on the deepest level you can conceive. INFJs build a multi-layered, subconscious profile on everyone that comes into contact with them.

This โ€˜profileโ€™ is not something consciously done or even understood by the INFJ but rather, itโ€™s a function that operates in an automated way: kind of like your bodyโ€™s circulatory, limbic, and metabolic systems. You donโ€™t have to tell your body to breathe. It just does.

So it is with INFJs and their people-related connections. They just know people, inside and out and since events are often caused by or related to human behavior in some way, INFJs often give the impression that they can predict events like INTJ.

Remove the human element from the equation, however, and youโ€™ll find that INFJs are less adept at this particular brand of foreboding. Now, this isnโ€™t a good thing or a bad thing.

Iโ€™ll use the analogy of a video game, specifically a Role Playing Game. If the task or duty at hand requires you to have the desired knowledge or reaction out of other players or NPCs, then you would want to switch your character into the INFJ class.

If the task or duty involves understanding non-human systems (engineering or IT comes to mind), then youโ€™ll want to switch your character to the INTJ class.

Both classes can do each otherโ€™s jobs with relative efficiency but if you want the extra advantage, youโ€™ll want the class that specializes in one or the other.

Related: 9 Humbling Life Lessons Iโ€™ve Learned As An INFJ

INFJs are Psychic

Againโ€ฆonly kind of. Thereโ€™s a good reason INFJs are frequently appointed in tribes throughout history and around the world as the Shaman or the Healer. In modern, western civilization, INFJs often work as counselors, therapists, coaches, and other occupations which serve as the go-to person for a wide variety of human problems. INFJs are basically emotional sponges. What does that mean exactly?

Well, a lot of types can develop abilities that center around reading body language and listening for inflections in tone and manners in speech. NF empaths, in particular, are sensitive to the emotions of others and have the ability to cross-reference their own to correctly identify emotions (like INFPs do). INFJs, however, is by far the most natural at this.

They are literally like a sponge. They absorb the emotions of others in their raw state in real time. This ability is vastly different than that of the INFP, which can only make self-effaced (albeit highly accurate) guesses.

Elusive INFJ
INFJ meaning

INFJs literally feel what you feel and they feel it exactly at the moment that youโ€™re feeling it and most shockingly, sometimes even before you know youโ€™re feeling it. The reason is a unique combination of Dominant Ni and Auxillary Fe (Extraverted Feeling).

Itโ€™s the perfect storm of functions that allows INFJs to โ€˜take the emotional temperatureโ€™ of others and use Ni pattern recognition to correctly identify their emotional state and respond accordingly.

Another reason INFJs seem to be psychic is that they are simply better listeners.

Yes, Iโ€™m generalizing here but itโ€™s true. Elusive INFJs are the best listeners. The reason, again, is explained by having Ni as a dominant function. Ni is a perceiving function that takes in information. Itโ€™s primarily an input system rather than an output system.

Because of this, INFJs often seem passive and non-reactive. They are constantly observing and listening, generally responding with open-ended questions, reflective dialogue, and only answering questions when directly asked. Any counselor or therapist worth their salt will tell you the value of โ€˜reflectingโ€™ another personโ€™s feelings and information back to them.

Conversations with INFJs are often one-sided and peppered with frequent bits of validation like โ€œI see how you could feel that wayโ€ โ€œThat must have been really hard for youโ€ or the classic โ€œTell me more.โ€

INFJs are focused on you and want to know more about you. Youโ€™ll learn a lot more about other people if you ask to listen and more importantly, to understand. Most types struggle to listen to truly understand. Itโ€™s a self-absorbed world out there; with everyone clamoring over each other to get a word in, talking over each other, or simply just waiting for their turn to speak.

With everyone focused in on themselves, itโ€™s little wonder why INFJs have more knowledge of whatโ€™s going on than everyone else. As far as I know, thatโ€™s not a psychic phenomenon so much as just simple logic. Not to say that INFJs couldnโ€™t be psychic, Iโ€™m sure a lot of them areโ€ฆbut thatโ€™s on a whole other level.

Related: 7 Struggles of an INFJ Personality Type

INFJs are Nice

This leads me to the next generalization that Iโ€™m going to boldly make. INFJs are nice…generally speaking. There are really two levels to this: individual and global idealism.

On an individual level, I just explained that INFJs are basically emotional vampires who absorb the emotions of others. I canโ€™t emphasize that enough, since it actually means that your emotions literally become their own. In other words, if an INFJ hurts you, theyโ€™re also hurting themselvesโ€ฆso theyโ€™re going to do everything they can to avoid hurting you.

This is how INFJs got the label โ€˜Protectorsโ€™ since they protect the hell out of your feelings. INFJs are also highly driven by the motive to โ€˜helpโ€™ others, often rescuing disenfranchised souls and homeless animals. That cliche novel or movie about a perfectly well-adjusted guy bringing home a hooker to give her a hot meal, a safe place to sleep, and attempting to help her get out of life on the streetsโ€ฆthatโ€™s about an INFJ.

Perhaps even more important is the concept of global idealism, which INFJs, and NFs in general, are famous for. INFJs truly do want to make the world a better place for people (and/or other living things). This global outreach entails an inner value system with its own set of rules which are prioritized from the core (most important) and taper out to lesser values (less important).

An elusive INFJโ€™s inner value system is a paradox to its seemingly passive, gentle, observant nature because it is rigid, adamant, and possesses the highest standards for what an individual INFJ considers โ€˜moralโ€™.

INFJs, generally speaking, are primarily concerned with one thing: doing the right thing. Itโ€™s their modus operandi. Itโ€™s their prime directive if you will (Star Trek fans, anyone?). Itโ€™s the secret ingredient of the INFJโ€™s personality makeup and it completely explains why they lack ego, balk at superficiality, act with caution, and get back to the subject at handโ€ฆthatโ€™s also why theyโ€™re nice.

INFJs are Assholes

This is also true. In fairness, all types are assholes and some just have a series of personal habits which create a combined sum of excessive assholerly. But allow me to clarify that I just mean that when an INFJ decides to be an asshole, this is the particular way he/she goes about it:

For the very same reason, INFJs are nice, theyโ€™re also assholes. They know everything about you (with a positive inflection) and they know everything about you (negative inflection). That can be a bad thing.

Imagine if everything an INFJ has on you (which is a lot) were to be used to turn the tables on you. It can happen..and it does. INFJs are plenty assertive when they need to be.

Elusive INFJ
INFJ personality

The following is a list of things sure to piss off an INFJ:

1. Bullying/being mean to someone they care about โ€“ The other reason INFJs are called โ€œprotectorsโ€. If youโ€™re going to be cruel, thoughtless, or unfair towards someone that an INFJ really cares about, youโ€™re going to have a bad time.

Related: 9 Humbling Life Lessons Iโ€™ve Learned As An INFJ

2. Dishonesty โ€“ INFJs hate liars. Itโ€™s really best to be honest with an INFJ…since they know the truth, anyway. In fact, if you do lie, theyโ€™ll let you keep speaking just to see how far youโ€™re willing to go with it. Also, being vague and/or short with your responses or omitting pertinent information is tantamount to lying to an INFJ since the motive is deception.

An honorable mention is a superficiality, which is really more of a pet peeve or an annoyance than an actual trigger. Aside from that, violating personal boundaries or values will put you on the shit list. But since theyโ€™re too individualistic, Iโ€™m not going to try to list them here.

So what happens when you make an INFJ mad? Well, of course, thereโ€™s a spectrum of reactions that are unique to the situation and Iโ€™ll attempt to categorize them according to anecdotal information Iโ€™ve acquired from several dozen INFJs:

1. The Door Close โ€“ This happens for various reasons. It could mean an offended INFJ or perhaps just an exhausted/conflicted INFJ. This is when they unceremoniously place a lot of emotional/physical/psychological distance between you and them. Also known as the โ€˜Door Slightly Ajarโ€™ or the โ€˜Door Gently Closedโ€™.

2. The Door Slam โ€“ The infamous INFJ door slam is when youโ€™ve been shut out completely from existence, often without explanation.

3. The Button Pushing/Door Slam โ€“ Rarely used. When an INFJ becomes infuriated and spiteful and decides to draw upon their vast expanse of knowledge of all your deepest, darkest insecurities and use them against you with deadly precision. They use Tertiary Ti (Introverted Thinking) to locate the exact, right words to say and the exact, right things to do/not do which will hurt you the most. Usually followed by the door slam. Always a highly regretted maneuver.

4. The Quietly Judgmental Detective โ€“ Asking open-ended questions to determine if youโ€™re lying and if so, just how bad of a lying sack of shit you are. Usually accompanied by laser-death eyes and a surly, judgmental look.

5. The Disappointed Mother/Father โ€“ Guaranteed to make you feel like shit. This is what happens when you disappoint the person you really like and admire. INFJs are really good at letting you know that they think just a little less of you..and thatโ€™s so much worse than anger.

Related: The Best Trait of Each MBTI Personality Type

INFJs Are Complicated

If you like human puzzles, elusive INFJs are right up your alley. Remember that emotional sponge thing I mentioned earlier? Imagine having that ability and not being able to turn it off. There is no on-and-off switch for being absorbent. This is why warm-hearted, sincerely interested INFJs suddenly withdraw from you without explanation.

For them, it can be exhausting to be around other people. The only way to truly escape inheriting the emotions of others is to get away from people entirely, which explains the beguiling push-pull behavior. INFJs are hot and cold, never seeming to approach you in the same, exact way twice. At their core, INFJs yearn to be around other people, to be understood, and appreciated.

But they also shoulder the responsibility/burden of caring about all the souls they encounter and always doing the right thing. Itโ€™s the weight of the world, resulting in a low-level baseline of stress that is omnipresent, only to be temporarily relieved by solitary processing or true understanding by another.

Elusive INFJ
Elusive INFJ

INFJs Are Deep and Sensitive

Probably my favorite thing about INFJs; theyโ€™re deep. Thereโ€™s no discussion too deep for an INFJ and no judgment passed if youโ€™d rather be discussing the meaning of life than the caloric content of your lunch.

INFJs are all about emotional connection and the meaningful exchange of ideas. Most significantly, INFJs crave the deepest connection with someone that can possibly be attained.

INFJs learn at a young age what most people start realizing much later on, which is that it’s better to have a few quality relationships in life than a large quantity of casual acquaintances and fair-weather friends. Despite being naturally popular people, INFJs donโ€™t crave or seek attention from the masses. Depth can only be established one-on-one and each relationship is seen as a large emotional investment to be taken seriously.

The inner world of an elusive INFJ is sentimental, poetic, and highly idealistic, no matter how he/she appears to be from the outside.

Thereโ€™s an innate sense of self-preservation and secretiveness that is associated with the type since theyโ€™re highly sensitive to mockery and rejection. INFJs donโ€™t share unless they know for sure that you arenโ€™t going to hurt them. Their own personal feelings, which so rarely see the light of day, are deep and intense that if they were entrusted with the wrong person, it would be devastating.

Related: 10 Traits Of An Intuitive That Often Gets Them Misunderstood By Others

I vaguely recall a quote that someone said (and Iโ€™m probably butchering this quote) โ€œIf you want to know how someone wants to be loved, observe the way they choose to love othersโ€.

I believe that to be true for INFJs as well. Somewhere, deep down inside, they wish someone would do for them the same that they constantly do for the rest of the world.

Want to know more about an elusive INFJ? Check this video out below!

What is INFJ personality

Copyright @ Rebecca’s Blog Cultural Disasters

The Elusive INFJ
Elusive INFJ Personality Type
The Elusive INFJ pinex
The Elusive INFJ pin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Responses

  1. Liz Avatar
    Liz

    Hi Iโ€™ve done the MB test many times and always get INFJ . Thank you for this insight and understanding

Leave a Reply



Up Next

The 8 Most Introverted MBTI Personality Types: Ranked From Most To Least

Most Introverted MBTI Personality Types: Most To Least

The MBTI personality types have always intrigued people, especially introverted people (I know because I am one!). Today we are going to talk about the most introverted MBTI personality types, and better still, we are going to rank them as per their level of introversion.

Let’s explore the most introverted personality types in the MBTI universe, and find out the secrets of these introverted people who find peace within their own selves and who flourish in their quiet worlds. Let’s get started, shall we?

Related:



Up Next

Supercharge Your Social Energy: The Ultimate Guide On How To Recharge Social Battery

Pro Tips On How To Recharge Social Battery And Revitalize

Do you find yourself mentally and emotionally drained after being around people, even if you like them? Do you often feel the need to rejuvenate yourself by spending some time alone? This happens when your โ€˜social batteryโ€™ is running low. What is a social battery and how to recharge social battery? Letโ€™s find out.

What does Social Battery Actually Mean?

The idea of social battery refers to an individualโ€™s ability to engage socially



Up Next

Why Introvert Extrovert Couples Make Great Parents: 8 Compelling Reasons

Reasons Introvert Extrovert Couples Make Great Parents

You know why introvert extrovert couples make great parents? They’re the perfect combination of yin and yang. Introvert extrovert couples work really well because where one person lacks, the other makes up in spades. And this approach reflects in their parenting skills as well. They have different ways of looking at things, and they give the best of both worlds to their children.

In this article, we are going to explore some of the major reasons why introvert extrovert couples make a powerful team when it comes to the battle of parenting their children.

So, if you are someone who is in an introvert and extrov



Up Next

The Introvert’s Guide To Confidence: How To Be A Confident Introvert

How To Be A Confident Introvert: A Step Guide

A confident introvert? Is that even a thing? Arenโ€™t introverts supposed to be shy and meek? Well, no! Introverts can be highly confident, itโ€™s just that the confidence introverts have is very different from that of extroverts. While they may still be shy and socially awkward, introverts can still be immensely confident in their abilities and skills. 

If you are an introvert, I am sure you have often preferred the solitude of being alone in the corner of a room than seeking attention in a party or in large crowds. I am sure you have felt misunderstood as people confused your peaceful and reserved nature for shyness or lack of confidence.

This is the story of most introverts. But does that mean introverts arenโ€™t typically confident? Can introverts be confident? And how to be a confident introvert? We are going to explore all that a



Up Next

5 Reasons Why Introverts Go To Bed Early While Extroverts Stay Up

Reasons Why Introverts Go To Bed Early (Even If They're Not Sleepy)

Do you ever feel like the best part of your day is slipping into those comfy sheets early? Well, youโ€™re not alone! Explore the five reasons behind why introverts go to bed early.

I know Iโ€™m not alone on this but bedtime isnโ€™t just sleep for introverts. Itโ€™s the escape from a world of complete chaos. And diving into an early night isnโ€™t something we regret โ€” itโ€™s a sweet haven that we secretly enjoy.

Sleeping early is a foreign concept to extroverts. The idea of it is ridiculous. โ€œWhy would I ever want to sleep so early when thereโ€™s always so much stuff going on?โ€ They know that sleep is necessary, but they donโ€™t want to get any.



Up Next

Thinking Of Going On An ‘Introvert Vacation’? 10 Offbeat Travel Destinations For Introverts

Introvert Vacation? 10 Unusual Destinations For Introverts

If when thinking about a vacation, your mind easily goes to crowded places, the constant noise of traffic, and large gatherings then you have come to the right place. I understand that you just want an escape from all the noise and recharge your introvert batteries in peace, AKA, go on an ‘introvert vacation’.

Imagine this: a vacation tailor-made for you, the quiet connoisseur, and the master of comfortable silence. A peaceful escape where the only thing louder than your thoughts are the rustling of leaves. The only gathering being with snow and ice.

If youโ€™re ready to swap attractions for sanctuaries and small talk for the sound of nature join us on this journey. Hop on one of these 10 interesting travel destinations for introverts and embrace your inner explorer.



Up Next

60+ Funniest Introvert Jokes and Puns for the Masters of Silence

Introvert Jokes And Puns: Humor For The Reserved Souls

On World Introvert Day, let’s step into the funny world of introverts, where laughing your heart out is everything, but socializing? Whooff…a nightmare! We have compiled over 60 hilariously relatable introvert puns and introvert jokes that will make even the most serious introvert laugh out loud!

From avoiding small talk with strangers to the awkward โ€œintrovert helloโ€ (a subtle nod), these jokes celebrate the quirks and joys of introverted life. So, whether youโ€™re an introvert looking for a laugh or an extrovert trying to understand your introverted pals, buckle up, because it’s time for some funny introvert jokes and play on word puns.