When someone hurt us physically and emotionally, isn’t it nice to plan a revenge against them? Typically, when we are hurt terribly, the first thing that comes first in our minds is that “I wanna hurt you so badly. I want to return all the awful things that you’ve done to me. Twice or even thrice the pain!” The thing is that, no matter how good of a person you are, there is still this vengeful side of you that you couldn’t hide when someone did wrong to you. When I said “wrong”, I don’t mean when he accidentally drop off something on your foot or when he deleted your files by mistake, I am not talking about those little things cause I’m pretty sure you’re not that shallow to take revenge over some small silly things.
I am talking about this (emotionally); when he cheated on you, when he just proudly flaunt of having an affair with a low life creature of woman, when you are living in a miserable life while he is having his time of his life with this dreadful kind of woman. Again, I’ll ask you, isn’t it just fair to to plan a revenge against them? Personally, I have thought about revenge many times. I have kept replaying in my mind on how am I going to let them pay when my ex-boyfriend shamelessly lied and cheated on me behind my back with someone whom he called “just friend”, I mean like, you don’t sleep with your friend, you don’t let your friend leave her personal belongings like underwear and the likes in your house especially if you have a girlfriend, your friend don’t damage your girlfriend’s possessions, you don’t tolerate your friend for acting foolish for you simply has to draw a line, your friend don’t call you babe or baby, and most importantly, you do not fuck your friend. You see, he found a perfect timing to shove me aside, I had a problem with the company that I was working a year ago, and he suggested me to leave the country and I somehow, agree with the idea for some certain reasons so I decided to leave. I didn’t have enough savings at that time, he supported me financially. I am not being ungrateful or something for all the support I have received from him. I am beyond grateful to that! But being away from him gave me a clearer view of everything, after a month of leaving the desert, he took an off in the place where he grew up—with that girl. He pushed me to go back in my motherland just so he could travel with that girl without any nuisance. He supported me financially just so I could have this “debt of gratitude” to him. He used to tell me that he shouldn’t allow me to travel and just let me stay in the hell company that I was working; that I shouldn’t act viciously towards him because of the things that he has done to me. He was expecting me to still worship and love him in spite of the despicable things he was doing. It was clearly stated though, he was choosing that woman over me and to tell you honestly, I was devastated. I felt a loser. I felt dumb.I cried. I wept like a loss child in the middle of nowhere. I was mad. I was angry. I was helpless. So I bombarded him with calls and messages hoping to get a proper honest explanation but I failed to get one because until the last straw, he chose to utter lies. Nevertheless, it was an eye-opening.
At the beginning, the pain was excruciating; the pain felt like a sharp-toothed creature eating me from the inside. I wanted to travel those thousand miles just so I could hurt him, hurt him physically, so badly. You see, I was full of hatred. I felt defeated and betrayed by the man I loved the most.He brought out the bad in me and at the end I was called wicked and vengeful. It was a slap of reality, the hatred was eating me and it was changing me into a person whom myself couldn’t recognize anymore. Each night, I pray to God to give me the ability to forgive the people who have done wrong to me and forget them, all at the same time. I asked God to be merciful to me for thinking savagely towards others. I asked him to clean my heart and wipe all the anger and hostility I felt. Honestly, the path to forgiveness and forgetting is full of bumps and humps. It isn’t an easy journey especially if the people who have done wrong to you are living happily with no guilt, oblivious to all the miseries that they have caused you. But I am a firm believer of karma, do something good and good things will follow you, do something bad and all the heinous things you’ve done will follow you. To those people who hurt me, I won’t wish something bad to happen to you. I wish you could maintain a happy life and don’t forget to look back. Don’t forget that woman you hurt. One day, you would root for me and wonder how I am living but I am telling you this; I won’t grant you the satisfaction of seeing my life falling apart. For this is my revenge, I would live happily and vigorously while you reap the bad seeds that you’ve sowed. As the popular notion said, what goes around comes back around. All the things you’ve done will catch up to you.
And you know what? as I am writing this and sharing the bad experiences I’ve gone through a toxic relationship, I couldn’t feel anything at all. You know,you’re over it when you share it and you don’t feel any pain anymore, none at all, not even a bit. Congratulations self! *pats own shoulder* P.S, stay happy self. Keep moving forward.