Not all love is the same. The Greeks had it figured out over 3,000 years ago by listing 7 different types of love. Get ready as we dive into the various ways we express love for each other!
Out of all the types of love that we experience, romantic love is surely the most popular one, but perhaps, somewhat overrated. As surprising as it may sound, romantic love is far from being a timeless relic; it is actually a modern invention.
Most ancient societies didn’t allow romantic experiences and marriages followed a set of rules. Roughly around 1800, the idea of romantic love as we understand it today started to take shape across different societies. The concept of romantic love was born with the advent of the novel.
Jane Austen, the pioneer of the romance genre in novels, has deeply influenced modern perceptions of romantic love, passion, and marriage.
French writer, Gustave Flaubert, in his debut novel Madame Bovary, mentions how Emma Bovary, the eponymous protagonist, discovers about romantic passion in the “refuse of old lending libraries.”- highlighting the birth of the concept of romantic love in fictional stories.
The modern world is obsessed with romantic love, but there are, in fact, many other types of love. In fact, these types of love are more easily available and more permanent in nature and hence, are more fulfilling and healing in the long-term.
So we should definitely try to nurture these different types of love in our lives.
In ancient Greece, different words were used to distinguish between different types of love. In the descriptions given below, you will get to know about these 7 different types of love and their catalyst.
Catalyst is an agent which speeds up the rate of action. A love catalyst is an agent in your body that enhances the feeling of a particular type of love. For example, your soul is the catalyst for self-love (philautia), while the mind is the catalyst for affectionate love (philia)
The 7 Greek types of love described in this article are sourced from classical works by Greek philosophers, like Plato and Aristotle, and also based on the 1973 book, Colors of Love, by JA Lee.
The 7 Different Types Of Love Other Than Romantic Love
1. Eros (Passionate Love)
Love catalyst: Body
Eros is the love of the body, or sexual lust, or erotic and passionate love. In Greek mythology, Eros is the God of sexual love who shot golden arrows towards mortals and immortals.
When it struck someone’s heart, an intense desire, almost like madness, gripped the person. Paris and Helen of Troy were victims of this powerful arrow of love, which ultimately led to the destruction of Troy. The term “erotica” is rooted in the Greek word eros.
In contemporary philosophy, eros is connected with a greater force of nature, something resembling the “insatiable will” in Schopenhauer’s philosophy, which explains that we all are driven by a fundamentally blind desire to strive for survival through reproduction.
Ways to show Eros:
- Compliment someone’s physical appearance
- Physical gestures, like kissing and cuddling
- Romantic emotions
Read 9 Different Types of Hugs And What Each Reveals About Your Relationship
2. Philia — Affectionate Love
Love catalyst: The Mind
Philia, or brotherly love, is the love we usually feel towards friends and brothers and represents platonic love. It is founded on shared understanding, compassion and mutual respect.
This love is always reciprocated and we feel cared for and peaceful on sharing a high level of openness and connection with another person.
Aristotle’s idea of shared goodwill was that a person can acquire goodwill from other people on the basis of three things: his usefulness, his pleasantness, and most importantly, his virtue, i.e., he is good, has a rational mind, and is a man of principles.
Friendships built on shared goodwill aren’t only about benefiting from each other– trust, reliability, and rapport are crucial qualities too.
According to Plato, the best form of philia can be found in the friendship lovers developed towards each other. In this case, the source of philia is eros, but it feeds back and enriches eros, changing it from basely lust to a mutual desire to develop a deeper knowledge of the self, the partner, and the world.
To sum it up, philia has the power to alter the desire for possession into a desire for deeper philosophical understanding.
Ways to show Philia:
- Have an intimate conversation with a pal
- Be candid and trustable
- Support others on their bad days
- Show gratitude towards your loved ones
3. Storge (Familiar Love)
Love catalyst: Memories
Storge (spelled as ‘store-gae’) represents familial love. It is a form of Philia and is the love experienced between parents and children. It differs from philia in the sense that Storge is unconditional affection and emotional attachment born from a place of dependency and familiarity, and is usually felt by young children, and contrary to philia, it doesn’t depend on personal traits. This type of love tends to affect one side more than the other; it is asymmetrical.
Couples often expect to feel the unconditional Storge love in their romantic relationship. But initially, they only experience Eros; only few lucky people reach the level of Philia. With time, Eros can grow into Storge, and if fortunate, even Philia and Pragma may be experienced.
Ways to show Storge:
- Compromise with personal pleasures
- Forgive wrong actions on their part
- Share cherished moments together
- Express your love with caring words
4. Agape (Universal Love)
Love catalyst: Spirit
Agape is love for all or universal love. It encompasses the love we feel towards God, nature, and other human beings (strangers). Agape involves showing compassion towards others without expecting anything in return.
It is not dependent on familial bonds or familiarity with another person. Christian philosophers call this love charity. We can draw parallels between agape and the modern theory of altruism, which represents unselfish care for the wellbeing of other souls.
Modern research has found that there are a number of benefits associated with altruism. When we practice altruism, we are immediately filled with a sense of euphoria, which is popularly known as the “helper’s high”. Its long-term advantages include improved mental health and longevity.
Read 5 Types of Soulmates You’ll Meet and Love At Least Once In Your Life.
It societal terms, Agape love is reflected in empathizing with others and performing charity. It signals the readiness to cooperate and form partnerships, exchange resources, and reciprocate through valuable presents and favors.
In short, Altruism is the foundation of the social and psychological framework that helps us grow. Considering the hatred and prejudice in our society, we should all focus on nurturing a little more Agape within ourselves.
Ways to show Agape:
- Try to improve the life of another person.
- Be conscious that your actions uphold the good of mankind.
- Feel charitable towards the needy.
5. Ludus (Playful Love)
Love catalyst: Emotion
Ludus is playful, flirtatious love without any promises of commitment, and includes fun activities like dancing, teasing and seducing! Both the parties just focus on having fun and there are no strings attached. The modern generation seems to be taken with Ludus, where they just want some lighthearted enjoyment without getting attached. Ludus relationships are sans complications and demands but can last for a long time.
Ludus is also found in the beginning stages of a romantic relationship, and older couples strive to keep this playful love alive in their lives.
Ludus is best suited when both the people involved are self-sufficient, so there’s no dependency. Ludus can coexist peacefully with Philia.
Ways to show Ludus:
- Have quirky conversations and be flirtatious.
- Share fun moments filled with laughter.
- Engage in childish activities
6. Pragma (Everlasting Love)
Love catalyst: Etheric (Subconscious mind)
Pragma is a unique bond of love that is founded on commitment and dedication and takes years to reach a level of maturity. It is underpinned by duty, long-term goals, shared interests, compatibility and making the relationship work as well as possible.
It is an everlasting bond between two people who jointly put in effort into their relationship. These qualities are given more importance than sexual attraction.
Since the subconscious mind drives the feelings associated with Pragma, it happens between partners naturally and unconsciously.
Many a time, relationships that begin as Ludus or even Eros, end up being a mixture of Pragma and Storge. Pragma can exist peacefully with Ludus, with the relationship partners complementing each other.
Ways to show Pragma:
- Nurture and strengthen bonds in long-term relationships
- Continue putting in effort with your partner
- Work in sync with your partner
Read The Compatibility of Enneagram Types in Love
7. Philautia (Self-love)
Love catalyst: Soul
Philautia is one of the 7 types of love, which stands for self-love, can be beneficial or detrimental. Unhealthy Philautia is the root of hubris, which is excessive pride in one’s abilities and accomplishments and ultimately leads to one’s destruction.
In ancient times, a person was said to possess hubris if he thought himself higher than the gods, and in modern times, this translates to people (say politicians) who think their personal growth is more important than the greater good.
On the other hand, healthy Philautia is self-respect, which is essential for our cognitive growth and healthy development of our self-worth. It is the basis of forming a sound relationship with ourselves, and by extension, the world around us, as we can’t show compassion to others if we don’t love ourselves first.
Interestingly, high self-confidence doesn’t always imply high self-esteem. An example of high self-confidence and low-self esteem may be many celebrities and performers who are easily demoralized and become dependent on drugs and alcohol to feel better about themselves.
True self-esteem comes from within; it won’t allow you to feel defeated easily. Yes, there are many lows, but people with self-esteem are resilient. They are more welcoming to new experiences and growth opportunities, and in turn, are rewarded with instant joys and long-term success.
Ways to show Philautia:
- Take care of yourself like you would care for your child
- Spend time with people who are supportive
- Try to create an atmosphere that is conducive to your well-being and growth.
The Ideal Combo Of Love For You
Like an assortment of vibrant flowers, incorporating the different colors of love in your life can create an extraordinary experience and leave a lasting impression. Note that every relationship is different and the type of love it needs is unique.
Our suggestion of the perfect combination of love is to offer a perspective on how to experience the various flavors of love in your relationships in a balanced manner.
Share your thoughts about these Greek types of love in the comments below!
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