We all know we are supposed to appreciate the things we have, many of us however need to lose what we have in order to appreciate it. But little do we know that this in fact is actually the root of another problem. Due to the fact that we want to appreciate what we lost, we lose out on appreciating what is currently surrounding us and under-appreciate the people and other important parts in our life afterwords.
How Does This Happen?
It is simple really, we get so hooked on the past and the “dream of the future we had in the past” that we under-appreciate our new possible futures and those we could share them with. We may start thinking things like “my ex and I were together for 6 years and only this tore us apart.” We start appreciating the past, and indeed we do learn from it. This is not a bad thing, however the issue is that we over glorify it.
Why Is This Wrong?
It indeed was something glorious while we were living it, but it is something that ultimately ended in tragedy. Which means even though it had it’s pros, we have to remember it had it’s cons. The ultimate truth is that it ended in tragedy. Sometimes the ending was successful and we can still appreciate the second party, but we must not forget that it did in fact end for a reason. The reason is not the fact that we had a disagreement, fight or different path to walk. The reason is we under-appreciated each other.
What Are We Supposed To Do To Prevent This?
We must learn to take the situation for what it really is and use it for those who appreciate us for who we are today and have not left our side.
Though it has a negative it also has a positive. There is a learning experience in there, to appreciate today for who or what is in your life today. It is much easier to appreciate what we lost because we have proof of what they will do for us and are comfortable with a familiar situation we have been in for a significant amount of time. This is what we call being “institutionalized.” Many criminals get institutionalized to prison and do not know how to live outside of prison. They do not know how to live on for today and the beautiful mystery it brings.
In other words we fear the unknown, we fear the future and forget to live in today. But the future truly is a mystery and therefor should not be feared. It is a unknown result that can never truly be calculated, so we should look around us today and ask ourselves am I happy with the people in my life? Am I happy with myself? Am I happy with what I am doing right now for what it is right now?
We may not know how something will end, but so long as we are living for today we can be happy with the moment and therefor be happy with our past choices once tomorrow comes. This is because we learned to appreciate today, this moment, the people and things in it for what it is. If that is not enough just ask yourself what is more scary, the unlimited potential of tomorrow through the actions of today or living in the past that ended in tragedy?
“The past is not something to be glorified or underrated, it is something to learn from. If we live in the past we will be doomed to make the same mistakes repeatedly. One must live for today, here and now in order to appreciate the worth of the things that are currently in our life. Part of that is understanding and appreciating the unlimited potential of tomorrow, but not living in it. If we can not do that, then today we have nothing at all.”
Does This Mean We Should Not Give Second Chances Or Try again?
No, it would be incorrect to under-appreciate any situation. There are pros and cons we must keep in mind however. If we are taking back an ex or friend or any other thing, it should be because we appreciate it for what it is today, not what it was for us yesterday.
Yes there may be a promise of change and that we will get what we needed, which is great by the way! But we are not starting fresh and we are appreciating them through the eyes of a tragic end, which will only bring about another tragic end. This means even if we forgave or understand the situation better, we can not forget it and we will not be able to move forward. Ultimately we will repeat the same mistake of under-appreciating each other once again.
“The issue is not that we have disagreements or walk different paths, it is that we under-appreciate each other. This is because we do not accept each other due to our fears caused from our pasts and directed towards our futures. If we can not live for today, we can not appreciate anything in the current moment. Live for today and the positive results will come by itself. This is because we will appreciate something enough to work towards it and be happy while doing so.”
Written by Robert-John Papakonstantinou
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