Introvert Relationships: Love Me or Leave Me But Please Don’t Need Me (Too Much)

Introvert Relationships Dont Need Me

Being in a relationship with an introvert might seem complex, but actually, introvert relationships are one of the simplest and purest relationships you will ever be in.

“One of the gifts of introversion is that we have to be discriminating about our relationships.  We know we only have so much energy for reaching out; if we’re going to invest, we want it to be good.” ~ Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power

Often this gift of discriminating taste feels more like a burden than a gift. I am acutely aware of my limited energy. Quite honestly most of my energy goes to raising my children. What energy I have left I use to help coaching clients, nurture friendships, connect with extended family, and date.

The truth is we (introverts) have to be selective about all of our relationships. Unlike extroverts, we recharge from within. Socializing with lots of people (although enjoyable) can drain us. Extroverts get energy from social interactions and external stimulation.

Over the last few years, I have learned to pause and gauge how I feel with different people. Do I feel excited, energized, or light? Or do I feel anxious, depleted, heavy? The more uplifting a person’s company the more time I can spend with them and the more of myself I can give.

introvert relationships
Introvert relationships

How to Attract and Hold an Introvert’s Heart

What makes a partner’s personality uplifting and generative? Intimacy. Introverts are not into small talk. We want to share emotions, feelings, and ideas. Not just any emotions or feelings or ideas — meaningful ones.

Physical intimacy can be energizing as well  — provided it is passionate and not obligatory. Sensuality starts with the external but blooms within. Anything that heightens or encourages a positive internal experience is appealing to an introvert.

Humor in a relationship goes a long way too. It’s both a physical and emotional boon.

The key to a relationship with an introvert? We must be able to relax and recharge with you. Strong relationships have responsiveness (from both partners), common interests, and respect for each other’s differences, so the work naturally required in any relationship, is done with minimal energy drain. Forging a relationship takes up much precious energy.

Introverts generate energy from within by reflecting on ideas, thoughts, impressions, and feelings. If we find someone desirable who can share what swirls within their interior, synergy occurs. We expand and are left energized rather than depleted.

Carl Jung said we choose partners to expand who we are.

Related: 5 Keys To Understanding And Loving An Introvert Man

Speaking for Myself…

Independence mixed with vulnerability and openness is attractive. A relationship built on personal authenticity and interdependence is ideal. Even as an introvert, I like to have a steady companion I can count on. Someone I trust and who trusts me so that we can have our own endeavors but also provide a safe haven to return to for each other.

Constant drama and complaining will leave me as lifeless as a forgotten doll. Deep empathy is another trait of many introverts. If you have problems/pain in your life, I will feel for you intensely. I will want to help/show you light, which is all fine and good until I find myself in the dark with nothing left to give.

Some drama and baggage are expected. We all have it. Partners take turns supporting each other, but if this gets too one-sided the introvert will deplete quickly.

Negativity can weigh especially heavy on an intuitive and deeply feeling introvert’s mind and heart. If you have a penchant for criticizing or judging, then time with you will have to be limited. I absorb emotions and energy from others.

I easily slip myself into their shoes and feel what they feel. Not all introverts experience this, but the more intuitive and empathic ones do.

“One of life’s greatest pleasures is the anticipation of pleasure.” ~ Unknown

I love love. Who doesn’t? I dream easily of romantic scenarios. Conversations and canoodling for hours. Nights of Lights in the city, simple bedrooms in country farmhouses. I’m most definitely a hopeful romantic.

I both get lost and feel at home in love songs.

The Space Between

I read somewhere that it’s the space between times with a special person that encourages an introvert to fall in love. Their internal replays and daydreams are so pleasured rich that the relationship is enhanced.

“Many of us (introverts) want and have great relationships, but we generally prefer no relationship to a bad one.” ~ Laurie Helgoe, Introvert Power

It’s not always easy to find a partner who understands an introvert’s need for downtime. Most recently, a gentleman who I had been talking to over the phone and corresponding with online told me that we would probably make better friends than partners.

Related: How To Attract An Introvert: 15 Things Introverts Crave In Romantic Relationships

He said my independence may not work for him. He wants someone to witness his experiences with him. I’m not exactly sure what he meant, but in truth, I think I am one of the best people to witness experiences with. I pay attention and revel in awe over the simplest things.

I believe he meant he needed MORE shared experiences. Quantity AND quality. I admired him for speaking honestly and after that our conversation relaxed. I had been holding my breath wondering if I could keep up with the amount of attention he extended and expected.

introvert relationship
Introvert Relationships

That’s something I worry about — keeping up with the other person’s affection. What if they text, call, or write to me ten times a day? Do I have to reciprocate the same amount? Will that become old and exhausting? Another reason to be discriminating when dating.

Solitude an Option?

If we are going to put ourselves out there it has to be good. Better than solitude. Solitude is always an option for introverts. We use the time for ourselves to renew. Of course, during solitude, it is completely possible that romantic daydreams surface sending us out again to find something very very good.

Related: Relationship With An Introvert: 8 Reasons Why Introverts Make The Best Relationship Partners

What kind of lover feeds you rather than drains you? Have you been fortunate enough to experience energizing love? Are you in an expansive relationship now?

Are you an introvert trying to explain to your partner what you need? Or are you more of an extrovert trying to understand your introverted partner? Either way, I can help guide you to a greater understanding of your relationship. Please contact me to set up a coaching session. I’d love to help enhance your loving relationship.


Written by Brenda Knowles
An Introvert In A Relationship
Introvert Relationships: Romantic Relationship With An Introvert
Introvert Relationships Pin
Introvert Relationships: Having A Relationship With An Introvert
Introvert Relationships Dont Need Me pin
Introvert Relationships pin

— About the Author —

Responses

  1. Noufa Avatar
    Noufa

    True!!



Up Next

The 8 Most Introverted MBTI Personality Types: Ranked From Most To Least

Most Introverted MBTI Personality Types: Most To Least

The MBTI personality types have always intrigued people, especially introverted people (I know because I am one!). Today we are going to talk about the most introverted MBTI personality types, and better still, we are going to rank them as per their level of introversion.

Let’s explore the most introverted personality types in the MBTI universe, and find out the secrets of these introverted people who find peace within their own selves and who flourish in their quiet worlds. Let’s get started, shall we?

Related:



Up Next

Supercharge Your Social Energy: The Ultimate Guide On How To Recharge Social Battery

Pro Tips On How To Recharge Social Battery And Revitalize

Do you find yourself mentally and emotionally drained after being around people, even if you like them? Do you often feel the need to rejuvenate yourself by spending some time alone? This happens when your ‘social battery’ is running low. What is a social battery and how to recharge social battery? Let’s find out.

What does Social Battery Actually Mean?

The idea of social battery refers to an individual’s ability to engage socially



Up Next

Why Introvert Extrovert Couples Make Great Parents: 8 Compelling Reasons

Reasons Introvert Extrovert Couples Make Great Parents

You know why introvert extrovert couples make great parents? They’re the perfect combination of yin and yang. Introvert extrovert couples work really well because where one person lacks, the other makes up in spades. And this approach reflects in their parenting skills as well. They have different ways of looking at things, and they give the best of both worlds to their children.

In this article, we are going to explore some of the major reasons why introvert extrovert couples make a powerful team when it comes to the battle of parenting their children.

So, if you are someone who is in an introvert and extrov



Up Next

The Introvert’s Guide To Confidence: How To Be A Confident Introvert

How To Be A Confident Introvert: A Step Guide

A confident introvert? Is that even a thing? Aren’t introverts supposed to be shy and meek? Well, no! Introverts can be highly confident, it’s just that the confidence introverts have is very different from that of extroverts. While they may still be shy and socially awkward, introverts can still be immensely confident in their abilities and skills. 

If you are an introvert, I am sure you have often preferred the solitude of being alone in the corner of a room than seeking attention in a party or in large crowds. I am sure you have felt misunderstood as people confused your peaceful and reserved nature for shyness or lack of confidence.

This is the story of most introverts. But does that mean introverts aren’t typically confident? Can introverts be confident? And how to be a confident introvert? We are going to explore all that a



Up Next

5 Reasons Why Introverts Go To Bed Early While Extroverts Stay Up

Reasons Why Introverts Go To Bed Early (Even If They're Not Sleepy)

Do you ever feel like the best part of your day is slipping into those comfy sheets early? Well, you’re not alone! Explore the five reasons behind why introverts go to bed early.

I know I’m not alone on this but bedtime isn’t just sleep for introverts. It’s the escape from a world of complete chaos. And diving into an early night isn’t something we regret — it’s a sweet haven that we secretly enjoy.

Sleeping early is a foreign concept to extroverts. The idea of it is ridiculous. “Why would I ever want to sleep so early when there’s always so much stuff going on?” They know that sleep is necessary, but they don’t want to get any.



Up Next

Thinking Of Going On An ‘Introvert Vacation’? 10 Offbeat Travel Destinations For Introverts

Introvert Vacation? 10 Unusual Destinations For Introverts

If when thinking about a vacation, your mind easily goes to crowded places, the constant noise of traffic, and large gatherings then you have come to the right place. I understand that you just want an escape from all the noise and recharge your introvert batteries in peace, AKA, go on an ‘introvert vacation’.

Imagine this: a vacation tailor-made for you, the quiet connoisseur, and the master of comfortable silence. A peaceful escape where the only thing louder than your thoughts are the rustling of leaves. The only gathering being with snow and ice.

If you’re ready to swap attractions for sanctuaries and small talk for the sound of nature join us on this journey. Hop on one of these 10 interesting travel destinations for introverts and embrace your inner explorer.



Up Next

60+ Funniest Introvert Jokes and Puns for the Masters of Silence

Introvert Jokes And Puns: Humor For The Reserved Souls

On World Introvert Day, let’s step into the funny world of introverts, where laughing your heart out is everything, but socializing? Whooff…a nightmare! We have compiled over 60 hilariously relatable introvert puns and introvert jokes that will make even the most serious introvert laugh out loud!

From avoiding small talk with strangers to the awkward “introvert hello” (a subtle nod), these jokes celebrate the quirks and joys of introverted life. So, whether you’re an introvert looking for a laugh or an extrovert trying to understand your introverted pals, buckle up, because it’s time for some funny introvert jokes and play on word puns.