It’s tough.

Too often, people confuse “strong women” with “man haters who would rather grow old with a bunch of cats than get married.”

While it’s true that many independent ladies find more happiness within themselves as opposed to in a relationship, it doesn’t mean we don’t want to find love.  

I consider myself somewhat of a strong woman (internally, externally I can only lift about seven pounds), and I’ve been in some rewarding, fulfilling relationships. But they all abruptly end after I get this overwhelming sense of needing to get back in touch with myself. 

I don’t have all the answers, but what I think it boils down to is conflicting feelings of wanting to find love, but not wanting to compromise my values. 

While I can’t speak for all my independent sistas, my personal experience has been slightly depressing. I get excited when I find a guy who I’m not only attracted to, but also have some level of respect for based on the few things I’ve seen (holding the door open for people, chasing his dreams, calling his mom, etc).

Then I make the mistake of confusing those few moments of glory for their entire personality.

I get attached to the person I thought they were and am disappointed when I learn that it’s only a small piece they used to lure me in. 

The guy who just last week was pouring his heart out about how much he loves meeting new people is now refusing to talk to strangers at a party

I get that people are people and no one is perfect all the time, but if you’re not up for being an equal partner to a strong woman then why are you trying to be ?

Falling in love is scary in general. But it’s uniquely terrifying for a woman who understands how serious it really is to invest time in someone. 

We’re grown. We’re past the point of “dating for fun” (seriously what’s fun about dating people you don’t really like??).

We don’t want to take the time to get to know someone romantically if they’re not ready to live up to the same standards we do.

The real fear isn’t ending up alone; it’s ending up with the wrong person. 

Written by Emily Blackwood
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