Do You Have Social Anxiety Disorder, Or Are You Just An Introvert?

anxiety or introvert

We live in a diagnosis-happy era. We diagnose kids in school who have a hard time sitting still and focusing as having attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). We diagnose people who struggle with intrusive thoughts as having obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). And we diagnose people who shy away from large groups or prefer their own quiet company as having social anxiety disorder.

Do you hear the common word in all of these diagnoses? It’s disorder. Disorder, meaning something out of order. Disorder, meaning something is wrong.

While a proper diagnosis is helpful when dealing with severe mental illness, for the vast majority of people receiving a diagnosis is confirmation that something is “wrong.” And since most people already live with the sense that there’s something wrong or broken inside, an unnecessary diagnosis only serves to corroborate an already false belief.

We’re now learning that, in most cases where there’s been a diagnosis, there’s actually nothing wrong other than people being crammed into a system or way of being that is antithetical to who they naturally are.

For example, a kid who needs to move while learning can be called an “experiential learner” and moved into a classroom environment that honors his type of learning. Alternatively, he can be labeled, diagnosed and medicated, thereby disrupting and dishonoring his natural rhythm and learning type and communicating the belief that there’s something wrong.

Likewise, someone who doesn’t enjoy big groups and delights in their own company can be seen as an introvert, or they can be held up against the extroverted ideal of the culture, and diagnosed as having social anxiety disorder.

When clients come to me and say, ” I have OCD,” my skin bristles. But when they say, “I get nervous in big groups; I think I have social anxiety,” my entire being balks. I will then ask a few poignant questions:

  1. Do you enjoy spending time with a close friend or a very small group of intimate friends? (Yes)
  2. Do you enjoy your own company? (Yes)
  3. Do you need time to recharge on your own, especially after spending time in a group? (Yes)
  4. Do you do your best thinking by yourself? (Yes)
  5. Do you enjoy shorter events out in the world? (Yes)

If this list describes you, there’s nothing “wrong” with you. You’re not disordered. You may not fit into the mainstream way, and you’ve likely spent a lifetime trying to contort yourself to fit into the mainstream way, but just because it’s not your way doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong or disordered. You’re an introvert. A beautiful, sensitive, thoughtful, analytical introvert. The only thing “wrong” is that you don’t fit into the extroverted ideal of the culture.

Susan Cain describes the consequences of being an introvert living in a culture that reveres the extroverted ideal so beautifully in her book, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking. Here she says:

It makes sense that so many introverts hide even from themselves. We live in a value system of what I call the Extrovert Ideal — the omnipresent belief that the ideal self is gregarious, alpha, and comfortable in the spotlight … Introversion, along with its cousins sensitivity, seriousness and shyness, is now a second-class personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology.

What would happen if we stopped trying to squeeze people into one definition of “normal” — the one-size-fits-all approach that expects everyone to love big parties, drinking, and sporting events? What would happen if we honored each person’s individual rhythm around how they learn, play, speak, spend their time, and socialize? What would happen if we recognized that there are many ways to thrive in this world and many ways to function socially?

We would bring a big and much-needed dose of acceptance to at least a third to half of the population, and the world would be a very different place, indeed.


Source – MindBodyGreen

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Sheryl Paul, M.A., has counseled thousands of people worldwide through her private practice, her bestselling books, her e-courses and her website. She has appeared several times on “The Oprah Winfrey Show”, as well as on “Good Morning America” and other top media shows and publications around the globe. To sign up for her free 78-page eBook, “Conscious Transitions: The 7 Most Common (and Traumatic) Life Changes“, visit her website.

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5 Responses

  1. Then putting a girl on a pedestal will comme as a side effect of that,
    which is able to pput a lady in a very discomforting position as a result oof she’ll attempt very onerous to satisfy the expectations which you’ve got about her, since girls naturally do not wish to disappoint individuals, it’s going to be a very frustrating job for her to maintain well since your beyond-excellent expectations will be inconceivable for her to fulfill.

  2. infranscia says:

    I read in The Introvert Advantage by Marti Olsen Laney that extroverts seem to naturally outnumber introverts by about 3-to-1 (about 75% extrovert population). The theory is that, while introverts have their part, not as many are needed – maybe because, in their own way, they tend to have more impact. One possible reason is they’re thinkers while extroverts are doers – introverts can be the leaders that come up with ideas, while extroverts can more often provide the manpower to get them done. One reason I like to think that might be is that extroverts tend to need more extroverts to interact with, while introverts tend to only need a few others.

    Anyway, when I heard that statistic, I remembered hearing from someone how they read that studies show that people tend to be more happy if they have more friends. Well of course! The average person is more likely to be an extrovert! The population is inherently biased toward them! Also, I get the impression that a lot of these studies are going to involve things like random people off the street – or in other words, people more likely to get out of the house on a whim, i.e. extroverts.

    The sad thing is, studies like those tend to add to the impression that introverts are abnormal and wrong and need to do extrovert things, simply because they’re the minority. It looks at the general population, not at individuals. I’d like to see a study that looks at differences in responses between different types of people. (I’ve considered doing one myself, actually. Maybe I should dust off my draft survey…)

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  4. …call it what you want…I know me and I am good with it…I ask nothing from no one…

  5. Neither. I have an ingrained gut instinct for self -preservation. I love people and miss being around them every single day. Fortunately for me, I have my real family to socialize with now. The isolation was starting to drive me insane but I’m all good again.

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