We’ve all read statuses we don’t particularly enjoy, but there are a few status-trends on Facebook that are universally awful. I’d like to shed some light on the statuses that should cease to exist. Immediately.

1. The Cliff Hanger

“Ugh”, “FML”, “Days like these make me so depressed”

You obviously want people to ask what’s going on. About 5% of your Facebook friends will die from curiosity and cave in to ask what’s up, but the other 95% of us know you’re being intentionally vague for attention. It’s annoying. Stop.

2. The Shocker

“Going to the ER”, “Totaled my car”

If you’re going to the hospital or you have just been in an accident of some sort, you probably shouldn’t be making a status about it. This is not an appropriate way to tell your friends and family about something bad. If you’re well enough to post on fb, you can make a phone call.

3. The Private Message

“Omg I know you have your phone on you, bitches need to text back damn”, “Smh why do people have to talk about me behind my back SAY IT TO MY FACE.”

Why do you need to post it all over Facebook? These statuses are clearly directed at someone in particular. Talk to them. This is a waste of my news feed.

4. The Friend Dump

“Just cleaned out my friends list, if you’re reading this, congrats!”

Wow thanks, I’m so glad you kept me on your friends list so I can continue to read your pointless statuses. *Deletes*.

5. The Minute-to-Minute Update

“Going to bed”, “Time for a shower”, “Laundry is so boring”

No YOU are boring. What is the actual point of this? Who are you talking to? There is a reason you have zero likes on this status.

6. The Overly Hashtagged

“Going to the gym! #gym #lift #girlsthatlift #cardio #healthylife #getfit #getripped #strong #thebestihaveeverfeltinmylife”

Hashtags can be fun when used appropriately. This, on the other hand, is abuse. No one likes to try and pick out the words in a hashtag to figure out what it says. WhatifIwroteallmysentenceslikethisnowyouknowhowifeel.

If you’re guilty of posting any of these kinds of statuses, it’s okay. We all make mistakes. But now you know better.